


Hello My Old Heart

by thesnicken



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Domestic Fluff, M/M, Post-Marauders' Era, and I liked the idea of Harry being raised in the city, and the only cities I really know that well are Edinburgh and Glasgow, gonna be some fluff gonna be some angst, it's set in Edinburgh because i wanted Harry to be raised in a city, there's no major character death but there'll be talk about james' and lily's deaths, where Harry Potter was first written so there you go, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-03-21 13:18:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3693719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesnicken/pseuds/thesnicken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A world in which Sirius' first thought upon hearing James and Lily are dead is not of revenge but of Harry. Dumbledore allows Sirius to raise Harry on the condition that he give up his wand and live as a muggle without any connection to the wizarding world and not telling Harry anything about magic. Sirius accepts this and takes care of Harry with the help of Remus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for this after seeing a fanart of Sirius stupefying Hagrid and taking Harry (I can't find the fanart now) and I know that there's load of Sirius raising Harry fics out there but hopefully I've put my own spin on it.
> 
> As anyone who has ever read anything I have written will know, I'm really bad at thinking of titles so they all just comes from songs. This fic is named after the song by The Oh Hello's who I hadn't listened to in ages but when I did I realised that this song is sort of appropriate for this story.

Sirius’ first thought was of Peter. This man he had trusted, not just with him own life, but with his best friends too, had betrayed them in the most despicable way imaginable. Sirius wanted to destroy him, to tear him apart and make him feel the same pain that he did, make him feel the same pain that James had as he died, thinking of his family.

Sirius’ second thought was of Harry. It was only this thought that stopped him from doing what he wanted to so badly. The thought of that tiny child, left parentless and alone was what prevented him from searching for Peter on October 31st 1981.

He got his motorbike and made his way for Godric’s Hollow. It hadn’t hit him yet, that they were dead. He was too focused on the mission he had set himself, his final mission in this war. He had not yet thought of what he would do when he got there or where he would go. It didn’t matter in that moment, all he could feel or think about was the harsh, cold rain slicing into his face as he rode recklessly fast.

When he made it to Godric’s Hollow, he felt his stomach tense up. The Potter’s home, the one he had visited with them before they even bought it, the one that Harry had been born in and where Sirius had watched him walking for the first time. This home that Sirius had seen just a few weeks before was now a cracked ruin. The door was smashed in and the windows shattered. Sirius willed his body to move, his hand to push the gate forward. He could feel his fingers shaking by his side.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t walk inside the broken house and see them lying there, slumped and silent. Not even the thought of Harry could make him move.

Sirius began to weep and collapsed to his knees next the gate, his entire body aggressively shaking. He wanted to make himself stop, to pull himself together like he had so many times over the past few years. Other people had died. Other children had been orphaned. He had to put it into perspective.

But he couldn’t. Because they weren’t just another two names added to the death toll. James and Lily were more than he could ever express. They had both saved him countless times, in more ways than one. Sirius had gone most of his life without a family but he had found that in James and Lily. Now, in a single night, that family had been taken away from both Sirius and Harry.

He didn’t think he would ever be able to move. Sirius would rot here along with James and Lily. He felt more exhausted now than he had after any battle or fight he had ever partaken in. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, but it would have probably been much longer if a voice hadn’t called out his name from behind him.

He looked up to see Hagrid standing before him, holding a small package in his arms. it was only when the package moved that Sirius realised it was Harry. 

“When did you get here?” Sirius asked.

“Not long ago,” Hagrid replied, sniffing loudly, his face wet with tears. “Dumbledore sent me.”

“Why?”

Sirius was aware that he was still sat on the ground next the the gate. At any other moment, he would have been humiliated to have anyone see him in such a weak position but he could no longer find any part of him that cared.

Hagrid looked worried and uncomfortable. It made Sirius feel uneasy.

“Why did Dumbledore send you, Hagrid?” He demanded. 

“I'm sorry, Sirius. I really am. Dumbledore's ordered me to take him to his aunt's.” Hagrid said after a moments further hesitation.

“Hagrid, give me Harry, now.” Sirius spat, standing up now.

“I can't,” he said, clearly upset at having to do this, but loyal as always. “Dumbledore says-”

“I don't give a fuck what Dumbledore says, I'm his godfather, they wanted me to take care of him, not some muggles who have never even met him.”

“I'm sorry, Sirius, I'm sorry,” Hagrid mumbled as he walked away, Harry bundled up in his arms.

Sirius couldn't let this happen. Without a second thought, he raised his wand and uttered “Stupefy.”

Hagrid fell to the ground, his body protecting Harry who was merely startled by the shock of falling and began to cry.

Sirius didn't allow himself to think about what he had done, he just grabbed Harry, jumped on his bike and flew away.

They were somewhere somewhere over the North of England when Sirius became aware that he had just kidnapped a baby and had nowhere to go. There was no way he could go to any of the Order's safe houses now that he had disobeyed Dumbledore's orders. In any situation of trouble in the past when he had nowhere to go, he had always gone to the Potter's. Now, it was there that he was running from.

Without knowing why, he kept going North until he was sure he had left England all together. Maybe it was because up there was the only home left to Sirius. The further he went, the closer he got the Hogwarts. Not that Hogwarts could act as a refuge for him anymore, but the thought of it offered much needed comfort and strength.

Sirius rode until he was exhausted and the bike couldn't go any further. He managed to land in a city and after some wandering, he realised that it was Edinburgh. Sirius hadn't been there an awful lot before, he remembered getting a train form London to Edinburgh a few times to visit Remus in the Summer but beyond that, he hadn't seen much of the city. It seemed as good a place as any to stay, at least for a few days. The only problem was finding somewhere to sleep with no muggle money or connections to the wizarding world.

He began wandering around the streets, riding the bike slowly on the ground with Harry still sleeping. It seemed as if Sirius' life was likely to turn into one unorganised event after another. Even if he did find somewhere to stay, what would he do about Harry who needed food and clothes, what would he do with no money?

He didn't allow himself to think about what would happen, nor what had already happened that night. Instead, he treated his search for shelter like a hunt, he imagined himself in his dog form, searching out prey, not considering anything else and focusing purely on the moment.

It was probably due to this pure focus that he didn't realise the man in robes standing up an alley, waiting for Sirius.

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” said a voice. Sirius instantly recognised it as Dumbledore’s. “I truly am. But I’m afraid I have to take him now.”

Sirius turned to look at him, turning off his bike. He didn’t know what to do now. Of course Dumbledore had found him, what had he expected?

“No!” Sirius screamed. There was no way he was going through this again, especially when stunning Dumbledore would be considerably harder than Hagrid. “No, I’m his godfather! I’m taking him!”

“I am sorry, I understand but you are in no fit state to raise a child at the moment.”

Sirius suddenly hated the man, hated the way he stood there, passively with his hands clutched together.

“You don’t understand! You have no idea! I don’t care what state I’m in, I don’t care what you think. They wanted me to take care of Harry, not his aunt who’s never even met him! She’s a muggle!”

“That’s exactly that point,” Dumbledore said in a condescending manner. “He will be famous in our world. “The boy who lived,” that’s what they’re calling him already. He needs to be raised in peace, away from that. He needs to have a normal life.”

“I’ll give it to him,” Sirius cried, falling to his knees in front of Dumbledore. “Please, I’ll do anything you want. I’ll move anywhere, I’ll never talk to anyone I know again, I’ll break my wand and give up magic forever if that’s what you want.”

That last part seemed to grab Dumbledore’s attention.

“You would give up your wand, leave your entire world behind?”

Sirius was quiet. He had just said it in desperation, trying to get Dumbledore to listen to him. He thought about it momentarily. _Of course_ he would give up his wand for Harry. He would do anything for that boy, especially when he knew Harry’s parents would have done the exact same thing if the roles were reversed.

“Yes. I will break my wand or give it to you. Tell me what to do, where to go. I’ll do anything for Harry.”

Dumbledore was silent as he looked down at Sirius, pleading for the sleeping baby.

“I am doing this against my better judgement,” he said. “Not for your sake, or even Harry’s, but for James and Lily. You will stay here and live as a muggle. Harry cannot know how his really parents really died or anything about our world until his eleventh birthday. I will give you a small amount of muggle money to start your new life but it will not last you long, you will have to get a job to take care of you both.”

“Of course, I’ll do it,” Sirius sighed.

Sirius stood up once more and attempted to compose himself. He walked over to Dumbledore until they were stood face to face. Then, he took his wand out and looked at it for a long moment. It was the same wand that had picked him when he was eleven. Still, he trusted this wand, the magic he could bring from it was impossible to find from any other wand for Sirius.

He handed it over, feeling immensely like he was cutting off a limb. Dumbledore took the wand, he too examined it for a second before sharply snapping it in two even pieces. It was as if Sirius could feel the pain of the wand breaking, as if his own spine had been snapped in the same manner.

Dumbledore tucked the wand parts into his pocket and looked at Sirius with sorrow.

“Go here,” the older man told him, handing Sirius a piece of paper. “There, you will find everything you need to take care of Harry as well as a small amount of muggle money. Use it until you can find yourself a job. Make no contact with our world, I will know if you do.”

Sirius looked at the paper with an address on it, it was as if Dumbledore had known all along that this would happen. He supposed that he should be grateful but he was far too scared and upset for that.

“Good luck, Sirius. I wish you both the best.” He walked away into the darkness.

Sirius looked at the address with no idea of how to get there, it seemed as if their wandering about would continue for a few more hours. Sirius was about to climb back on the bike when Dumbledore reappeared.

“Oh Sirius, I almost forgot. You’ll have to leave the bike as well. I’m sorry but it’s a magical object.”

As stupid as it was, Sirius felt more reluctance at handing over the bike than he did at watching his wand getting snapped.

“Uh, okay,” Sirius said with hesitation. “Just don’t destroy her, okay? Give her to Hagrid or someone who will take care of her. Also tell Hagrid i'm sorry for stunning him.”

Dumbledore smiled lightly.

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of hurting such a beautiful bike.”

It almost made Sirius smile, almost. He picked Harry up and stroked the bike briefly in what was likely a very embarrassing manner.

Sirius looked at Dumbledore once more before turning away.

“And Sirius!” Dumbledore called. Sirius looked back over his shoulder. “You might want to go that way.” Dumbledore pointed to the left.

Sirius nodded and began to head in that direction, thinking that it would likely be many years before he would see him again.

***

The address proved to be simpler to find than Sirius had thought. It was a modern block of flats, at least they looked modern to Sirius, and was certainly very muggle. Sirius walked into the building and up the stairs until he found the flat number that was written down on the paper. He realised he didn't know how to get in and had no wand to break the lock. Sirius began fumbling about, checking around the door to see if any key had been left but he couldn't see anything.

He was beginning to contemplate whether or not it would be a good idea to break the door down when a small man appeared. Sirius instantly tensed up and held Harry closer to his chest, presuming that the man could be a threat.

Instead, he just asked, “Are you the grandson of that bloke who rented out this place earlier? He said you'd be along.”

“Yes?” Sirius said. “That would be me.”

Sirius was confused, it seemed as if Dumbledore had already rented a flat for him, knowing somehow that Sirius would end up here. It made Sirius feel uncomfortable.

“Oh really?” The man, who Sirius supposed must be the landlord, said. “Well what's your name then?”

Sirius panicked, worrying that Dumbledore might have rented this place for him under another name. Surely if that had been the case, Dumbledore would have said so.

“Sirius Black,” he said with no other real option.

The man seemed to accept this and nodded sharply.

“Here's your key, you can get spares made if you feel like it, just don't go giving them out to anyone. No pets allowed so if I see anything furry, feathered or scaled you're out. Keep any music or parties quiet or you're out. You got anyone else with you or is it just you and the kid?”

“It's just us,” Sirius said.

“Good. Your rent's been paid three months in advanced, rent's due at the beginning of every calendar month. My number's written on a sheet of paper stuck to the back of the door, call me if you need anything, don't phone on Sunday's though. Enjoy.”

The man turned and left Sirius standing awkwardly with Harry and the key. He fumbled with the lock until the door swung open.

The flat was filled with appliances and muggle machines that confused Sirius immensely. Even the things he understood, like the sink and the toilet, still looked odd to him. There was also all the things that Dumbledore had promised, some clothes and nappies for Harry, a bag of muggle money that looked like a lot to Sirius but was likely not enough to last long.

The flat itself was rather small. The living room and the kitchen sat together with practically no space between them. The kitchen was to the right and was cramped up with what Sirius realised was an oven and another thing that he thought to be what muggles called a fridge. There was also a little worktop, but that was about it. The living room was equally as bare with one small sofa and an old chair facing one another. There was a large window at the left of the room that let in orange light from the street.

Next to the livingroom/kitchen was a cramped bathroom with a green toilet, bath and sink. It didn’t look all that clean but Sirius didn’t know how to clean anything without magic so it would have to do for now. There was one bedroom with a single bed and a cot for Harry as well as a wardrobe. There was also another window, a much smaller one that didn’t look like it opened.

Sirius went to get Harry to dress him for bed. Fear began to creep up on him. He knew when Harry was asleep in the flat, he would have nothing to do with himself, nothing to distract him. He would have to face what had happened and realise that they were gone, betrayed by a man that Sirius wanted desperately to kill but couldn’t anymore.

After having slept from Godric’s Hollow to Edinburgh, it seemed as if Harry was awake now with no desire to sleep anymore. He began to cry for some reason unknown to Sirius. He tried changing him and feeding him but Harry had no interest in either of these things. Sirius remembered watching Lilly rocking Harry backwards and forth to calm him down so he tried that and had no success.

Eventually, Sirius just sat down and began to cry with the boy. He looked at Harry, the child who was now his responsibility, and noticed for the first time the mark on his forehead. It was an odd, sharp shape, looking as if someone had taken a knife to his head and cut it into him. There was no blood coming from the mark but it was beaming bright red. Sirius tried to wash it off, wondering if it was just pen or something, but his efforts did nothing to minimise it.

Harry cried louder when Sirius touched in and he worried that it was causing him pain. The mark felt hot to the touch and Sirius began to wonder if it was a scar of sorts, left by whatever had saved Harry. Dark magic sometimes left odd marks, maybe this scar was the payment for Harry’s life.

The two of them sat crying for some time, both unsure of what to do with themselves or what they wanted. Harry fell asleep eventually but Sirius did not. He was far too afraid to sleep, afraid of someone coming for Harry or hurting him, afraid of the sudden responsibility that had been thrust on the twenty-two year old, afraid of doing this alone and afraid of life without James Potter.


	2. A Token of Old Friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention that updates will be on mondays :)
> 
> also there may be some typo's or grammar mistakes because my final draft got deleted and I'm lazy

Sirius was sitting on the floor in the bathroom, running his hands through his unwashed hair when he heard the clicking sound. It was a distinct sort of noise, the type that came with a door being unlocked by magic. He stood up rapidly, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up on end, and moved out of the bathroom with a doglike movement that would've made James laugh. 

His first thought was of protecting Harry. He moved towards the room where Harry was at last sleeping and locked the bedroom door just as the front one was unlocked. He stood there, predatorily in front of the bedroom as the door opened slowly and reached for his wand, becoming momentarily alarmed when he realised it wasn’t there before remembering it had been snapped in two. 

Sirius stood, defenceless and ready to kill, when the door fully opened and a figure walked into the dark flat. Sirius tried to contain a growl upon seeing the silhouette and forced himself to remain stationary, refusing to sacrifice his position in front of Harry’s door. He twitched when he saw a wand by the figures arm and was suddenly horrified by how easy it would be for this person to kill both him and Harry with the same words that had slaughtered his best friend. No. He would not let that happen. If Sirius died, he would ensure that whatever power had saved Harry before would still work. And he most certainly wouldn’t go down without a fight. 

Sirius saw a light growing from the wand and waited for the green light that would cause his death. Instead, the room was light with a harmless white light.

“My word Sirius, what do you think you’re doing?” Said Remus. 

Sirius’ body slackened momentarily when he saw who it was, but he stiffened again just as quickly. Remus still thought Sirius was the secret keeper, he believed that Sirius was the reason James and Lily were dead. He would try to take Harry. 

The two of them stood, not breaking eye contact or moving. It was as tense as they had ever been together and it made Sirius feel sick. He was so used to laughing with the man who stood before him, holding him and talking with him. Now, he was as far away from Sirius as James was. 

It was too much. Sirius collapsed to the ground in tears. He desperately tried to get back up, to defend his position against the threat. But that only made him cry more, the thought of Remus being a threat. 

He lay there, waiting for Remus to easily come and push him out of the way, for him to scream at him for betraying their friend. Instead, he just stood there, his wand still lit, unmoving. The way he stood there, silent, expressionless, it reminded Sirius of the nights spent in the castle late at night when they almost got caught. Everyone else would run or panic, even when they had the cloak with them. Remus would freeze into a calm and collective statue. With or without the invisibility cloak, he had a strong ability to disappear.  
When Sirius’ sobs grew more uncontrollable, Remus moved. But it was not toward Sirius or Harry that he walked, it was towards the cramped kitchen. He found a light switch, flicked it on and began messing around with some of the muggle appliances that Sirius didn’t understand and pulled a packet of something out of his pocket. 

As Sirius watched, his crying began to calm down. The sight of Remus, finding his way around a muggle setting with ease, was odd to Sirius. It was easy to forget that Remus had grown up as much surrounded by muggle life as the wizard one and under different circumstance, Sirius might of laughed at the image in front of him. Remus began searching through cupboards which really ought to alarm Sirius, after all, this is a man who just broke into his flat and is now raking through his stuff. However, all Remus did was find two mugs. He then poured hot water into the mugs from what must of been some muggle version of a kettle. 

Remus began to move towards him with the mugs and Sirius pressed his back further against the door. Remus stopped walking suddenly and looked down at Sirius. 

“You don’t have your wand, do you?” Remus said in the same voice he used to use when Sirius had forgotten his potions homework. 

“Of course I have my wand,” Sirius spat in an unconvincing way. 

Remus simply sighed and then sat his own wand on the worktop, away from Sirius and the door, and walked back over to him before sitting down in front of him. He placed the two mugs on the floor and slid one towards Sirius. 

“You don’t have any milk I’m afraid and those tea bags have been in my pocket for months but still, it’ll just good none the less,” said Remus as he picked up his own mug and bag and to sip from it. 

Sirius didn’t know what was happening. Here he was, sitting with a man who should hate him, and they were drinking tea together. Maybe Dumbledore had told Remus the truth, but that seemed unlikely. Dumbledore, Sirius had come to realise didn’t trust an awful lot of people. 

Hed didn’t want to drink the tea, not when he was so unsure of where he stood with Remus, but it had been so long since the simple pleasure of sitting down and drinking a cup of tea, especially one made by someone else. He picked it up and drank it eagerly. When he sat his mug down, already half empty, he saw the way the corners of Remus’ mouth had turned up slightly. Shit, now Sirius had let his guard down and given Remus the upper hand, just by drinking some tea. 

“So,” Remus began, setting down his own mug. “We’re both sitting here, unarmed, on equal standings. How about we have a civilised conversation about what’s happened over the past two weeks.”

Sirius also sat his mug down. 

“Fine. What do you want to talk about specifically?”

“Who was the secret keeper. It wasn't you. It couldn’t of been you?” He said it like a question, like he desperately didn’t want to believe it but worried that it was true. 

Sirius sighed and wiped the tears that were still lying on his cheeks away. 

“It wasn’t me. I made James and Lily change the secret keeper to make it less obvious.” 

“Who did they change it to?” Remus whispered. 

“Peter.”

Remus stared at him, his eyes glassing over when he heard the name of his friends traitor. He swallowed heavily and bit his lip to stifle back sobs, the same way he always did when trying not to cry. 

“Why-why didn’t you tell me? Or even chose me?” Remus said, every word being uttered carefully to ensure that his voice didn’t break. 

Sirius didn’t want to answer that question, but it seemed as if Remus believed him so he could hardly begin telling lies now. 

“Because I suspected you to be the mole.”

“Oh. That makes sense.” 

Sirius felt a wave of self hatred flow over him when he saw the way Remus tried to mask his emotions. The devastation that his friends believed him to be a traitor was clear on Remus’ face, as was loathing he felt for himself. Sirius knew exactly what Remus was think right now, that he was a werewolf, that it made sense that they would suspect him of being a spy. He was also thinking that he had been under the illusion that his friends had not seen that as all that important a part of him, but clearly he had been wrong. Sirius knew Remus was thinking these things because they were exactly what he himself had thought when he told James that Remus was the mole. 

“I have something else to ask you,” said Remus, trying to move on from the unpleasantness of the truth Sirius had just told him. 

“Go on.”

“What are you doing in a muggle flat without a wand two weeks after the death of your best friend?” 

Sirius had to hide his shock. So did Remus not know about Harry? Where did he believe Harry was if not with Sirius. 

“I’ve been in hiding,” was all that Sirius said. Regardless of whether or not Remus was on his side, Sirius could not put Harry in danger and that meant that he couldn’t tell anyone about him, not even the only friend he had left. 

“Why?”

“Dumbledore’s orders,” said Sirius. He knew that would stop Remus asking questions. 

“I think it’s time for you to answer some questions now,” he continued. Remus nodded and sat up straighter as if he was about to be quizzed on something in class. 

“So what exactly happened to you after that night.” Sirius didn’t have to be anymore than that. They both knew what he meant by “that night.” 

“I went to see Peter. I wasn’t sure what else to do, I wanted to find you, but I didn’t know how. I thought maybe he would have answers, maybe he would know...I don’t know, something. He was maddened. He was screaming about you know who and you and me. He was accusing both of us, I think, but mostly me. I’m not sure, he didn’t make much sense. Then he just...snapped.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked. 

“He pulled out his wand, shot a spell. Blasting spell, I think. Sirius, the street was practically full of muggles, he killed twelve of them.”

Remus took another sip of his tea, Sirius did so as well. They were quiet once more for a minute or so before Remus continued. 

“Then he, he cut off his finger and transformed into a rat. His disappeared.” 

“What then?” 

“I was accused of murdering peter and the muggles. All they found was the finger. They tried to arrest me.”

“How did you get away?”

Remus shrugged. 

“I’m not really sure, luck, I suppose. As soon as I had comprehended what had happened, wizards had already begun to appear. I apparated without thinking of where I was going. My lack of destination and generally frazzled mind resulted in a mild splinching. Nothing serious, just lost some of the flesh on my leg and a bit of blood but I was weakened. Still, I had to keep going, so I’ve been on the run ever since, looking for you.”

“Why did you run? You could of explained yourself, blamed me if need be.”

Remus frowned and shook his head. 

“No, I couldn’t of blamed you, not when a part of me already knew that Peter was responsible. Besides, the ministry isn’t known for giving fair trials at the best of times, let alone when it’s someone like me.” 

“I suppose you’re right,” Sirius sighed. “How did you find me?”

Remus began digging around in his pocket. 

“I’ve spent most of the last two weeks wondering about, hiding and trying to think of what to do. Then one day, entirely by chance, I found this.”

Out of his pocket, Remus pulled out what-upon first glance-looked like nothing more than a compass, then Sirius noticed the blue rim around the outside. 

It was a device the two of them along with James and Peter had created years ago, a sort of tracking device. To anyone else, it appeared to be a normal compass but the owners of these items could use them to find one another. Just by holding it, it would begin to spin until it settled on a direction that would lead to one of the others. 

They had felt the need for these items after one disastrous full moon where they had lost Remus but they proved to be mostly useless as there was no way of selecting which of the three other owners you wanted to locate. There was also the fact that their anamagi forms didn’t exactly have pockets to hold them in during a full moon. Despite their uselessness, they had all still kept them, more as keepsake than anything else. Sirius would never of thought they could of been of such use.

“I didn’t know if it would work or not,” said Remus. “I knew that it should take me to you. After all, Peter couldn’t have his with him anymore and James...well, his won’t work now. So it had to take me to you, that was if you still had yours which I’m guess you do.” 

Sirius put his hand into his pocket and pulled out his own blue ringed compass that instantly pointed straight in front of him to Remus. He hadn’t realised it was in his pocket until after he had first taken Harry to the flat. He tried to throw it away in the same way as he had with all other magic, but he couldn’t do it. It was more a token of old friendship than it was a form of magic.

Sirius laughed ever so slightly. 

“Who would of thought the inventions of ours could ever be so vital?” He asked.

“Fourteen year old versions of us would be proud.” 

They sat, both of them holding the compasses that pointed to the other. Sirius didn’t know what to do now. They had both shared almost everything which was incredibly stupid of him. He had made a promise to Dumbledore, but more importantly, a promise to James' memory and to Harry. And yet, he couldn't make himself throw Remus out, he couldn't bring himself to lie about what had happened prior to James and Lily's death. Remus deserved the truth and he was all that Sirius had now other than Harry. 

Sirius felt his eyes becoming heavy and his head drooping. He rubbed at his eyes, trying to force them into liveliness.

“Go to sleep, padfoot.”

“No.”

“You were always so stubborn about bedtimes. You're like a child, never wanting to go to bed incase they miss something and then waking everyone up at four am with your ungodly sleeping pattern.”

Sirius chuckled a bit at that.

“You're no better, Remus. Always staying up until insane hours and not even to do anything fun. All you'd ever did was just read it bed. Then you'd be ready to kill every morning when we were all trying to get dressed and you were still lacking full awakeness.”

Remus began to talk more after that, about the times they had gotten ill, the detentions they had been forced into, the quidditch matches they had attended. It was incredibly soothing and Sirius let himself be convinced by it, to smell the lake and feel the grass below their favourite tree. He could hear James' laughter mixed with Remus' words and was sure that it had to be the happiest he had felt in the past year. His eyes were half closed now, his head resting lazily against the door. He was going to fall asleep but it didn't seem to matter anymore, his friends would be waiting for him.

And then there was the sound of a baby's cry. 

Instantly awake, Sirius briefly made eye contact with Remus before they were both instantly on their feet. 

Their entire body language changed in a second. They were both posed to fight but appeared awkward without their wands which made it hard to decide what they should do with their arms. 

“What the hell have you done, Sirius?” Remus said, the kindness mostly gone from his voice and replaced with fear, fear for what, Sirius was not sure. 

“I have done what James would have wanted”

“What have you done, Sirius!” Remus shouted. The crying got louder.

Sirius didn't know what to say to make it seem okay.

“I have Dumbledore's permission.”

“Dumbledore told me that Harry had gone to his muggle aunt. You kidnapped him, didn't you?”

“No! No, absolutely not! You're right, that was what Dumbledore was going to do but I went to him, I begged him to give me Harry. I gave up my wand and swore to raise Harry as a muggle. Please Remus.”

Sirius collapsed to his knees.

“Please, you have no idea what I've done to get here, the past two weeks have been hell. Please, I'm begging you, don't take this away from me.”

Remus stared down at him, eyes wide.

“How could I take this away from you?”

“Remus, you're now the only person other than Dumbledore and I who knows about this. Everyone else thinks he's with his aunt. Please, you can't tell anyone, nobody. Do you understand?”

“Who do you imagine I would ever tell? Even if I wanted to tell someone, I'm wanted for the murder of thirteen people. If I tried to talk to anyone, I would find myself in Azkaban before I could blink.”

Sirius breathed heavily and slouched against the door. Of course Remus wouldn't tell, he wasn't an idiot.

“Can I see him?” Remus asked after a moment. 

Harry’s crying continued. Sirius nodded, stood up and unlocked the door. He rushed to Harry in his cot and picked him up. Remus walked in much slower and made his way over to their position by the crib.

Sirius stood swinging Harry back and forth in his arms while Remus watched. Remus slowly moved his finger towards Harry. He had never been sure around Harry or babies in general, which was odd as Harry had always loved Remus. Harry grabbed at his finger, wrapping his fist around it and then shoving it in his mouth. Remus laughed, much louder than any of the other, mild chuckles he had shared earlier that night.

“What's that?” Remus asked, pointing with his other hand towards the scar of Harry's forehead.

“Some sort of mark, I think. Left by dark magic. I don't reckon it'll ever fade.”

Sirius looked at him, studying Harry's new scar, and realised that Remus was crying for the first time that night. It didn't look like a particularly sad cry, nor a happy one. It seemed more decisive, somehow.

Suddenly, Remus pulled his finger away from Harry-which did little to please the boy-and left the room. Sirius followed, still holding Harry, and saw him walk over the the kitchen counter. Remus picked up his wand and studied it for what felt like a long moment. Then he bent it over his knee and snapped it.

Sirius was so shocked that he almost dropped Harry. He quickly moved over to where the broken pieces of Remus' wand now lay.

“What did you do that for?” Sirius demanded. 

“Sirius, there is absolutely no way that you can do this alone.”


	3. Silhouetted Against the Changing Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus attempt to become more accustomed to their new life while also trying to re-establish their friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this a day early cause I won't be able to do it tomorrow but next weeks chapter should be posted on Monday as normal 
> 
> This was originally a much bigger chapter but it was way to long so it's been cut into three chapters. Because of that the next few chapters may be a bit shorter sorry.

It made Sirius feel much more at ease, having Remus with him. Of course, he was still somewhat tense and worried immensely about Harry, but knowing that there was someone there, someone he could trust, made him feel so much better.

It was the little things that made a difference. Remus teaching Sirius how to use the muggle oven and explaining how fridges worked, Sirius not having to always get out of bed when Harry cried in the night, being able to talk to someone who knew more than two words.

A week after Remus had given up his wand and moved into the flat, he managed to convince Sirius to go outside without Harry.

“Sirius, we need more food and supplies,” he said one morning while feeding Harry. “You need to go out and get some. I would go myself but there’s a very high chance that my face has been plastered all over the muggle news, so you’ll have to do it. We need more clothes as well. Harry will outgrow his soon enough and the two of us can hardly go around wearing the same  clothes over and over again if we wish to function in the muggle world.”

Sirius attempted to make every excuse possible to not leave but it was no good. Sirius’ excuses and lies had never worked on Remus anyway.

“Relax, Padfoot. I’ll take care of Harry and you go and enjoy some fresh air,” said Remus, walking over to Sirius and holding Harry in his arm. 

“What to babies even eat? What do I buy and _how_ do I buy it? Muggle money confuses me, Moony and I’ve never even been in a muggle shop before!”

“I’ll write you a list, okay? There’s a convenience store on the corner of the street I noticed when I came here, they should have everything we need. And if you don’t know what the stuff is then just ask the shop person, they should help you. Also buy a newspaper, I want to see if it says anything about me.”

Nervously, and after having made Remus swear four times that he would not let Harry out of his sight and wouldn’t open the door for anyone, Sirius left.

He managed to find the shop Remus had described with ease and stepped into an odd hub of lights, colours and machines. Sirius felt bewildered by the shop. Bright, cold things that Sirius thought might be bigger versions of the fridge they had in the flat lined the walls, filled with food and drink in colourful containers. Shelves of boxes and packages were set up in rows with small cards beneath them that had muggle prices on them that only confused Sirius further.

He followed Remus’ suggestion and went to the counter where a teenager stood, rearranging some of the packets that were next to him.

“Uhm could you help me?” Sirius asked.

The teenager nodded.

“I need the stuff on this list.”

He handed the list over and the teenager examined it for a moment before wordlessly picking up a basket and beginning to roam the aisles, picking up food as he went. Sirius follow, attempting to gain an understanding of what everything was in this unusual format.

Some of it was easy, he could clearly see the pasta box that was put in the basket and the fruit and veg was obvious. Then there were weird things like metal tins of stuff and cases of things that had odd characters drawn on the front. The sweets were weird too. No chocolate frogs, no liquorice wands, not a single item that included the word “pumpkin.” For a moment, he thought he saw some Bertie Bots Every Flavour Beans but upon further examination, he realised that there were only five different flavour of beans and all of them were incredibly boring.

Sirius watched in amazement as the teenage shop assistant used some sort of device that could instantly tell what the item was and how much it cost just by holding it next to the thingy. He was also fascinated by the muggle till that instantly added up how much it cost and how much change it needed to give Sirius. And they claimed that muggles didn’t have any magic.

“Oh, I forgot. Could I get a newspaper as well?” He asked as he picked up his bags.

“What one do you want?” Asked the teenager.

“The...daily one?” Said Sirius. God, he sound like an idiot.

The teenager didn’t bother to question it and picked up the closest newspaper to him. Sirius paid for that too and left the shop, feeling like he had gained at least a shred more knowledge on muggle life.

He managed to carry the bags up the three flights of stairs to their flat without getting too out of breath and unlocked the door.

Remus was sitting on the sofa, bouncing Harry on his knee and laughing. It made Sirius feel warmer, watching Remus smile like that. It had been such a long time since Remus had really, truly smiled. Sirius used to make it his duty to make Remus smile or laugh as often as he could as the result of said smile made him feel incredibly joyous. When Remus made that full, heartfelt smile, it always consumed not only his face but his whole body. He would often throw his head back and clap his hands together to show his happiness. His eyes would crinkle up too which always made Sirius think that Remus would have the most beautiful laughter lines when he was older.

Remus noticed Sirius and looked up at him, still smiling.

“Did it go okay? Did you get everything?” He asked quickly as he stood up.

“Yup. I also think I understand muggle shops a little better now.”

“That’s good. You’re going to need a pretty big education on muggle stuff, we both do.”

Remus sat Harry back down on the sofa and picked up one of the bags while Sirius ensured that the door was locked. They began to move the food into cupboards, examining some of the labels and packets that seemed odd to them until they properly understood what they contained.

After unpacking everything, Remus picked up the newspaper and began to flick his way through it. His smile slowly vanished and his face went back to its regular, sunless tone. His eyes drifted across the page as he read.

“What is it?” Sirius asked after a moment of silence. “Does it say anything about you?”

“Yes but not a lot. It says my name and that I’m a dangerous criminal on the run. There’s this phone number you’re to call if you see any unusual activity. But it doesn’t have a picture of me, it doesn't even say what it is I’m supposed to of done.”

“Really? No picture at all, are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure why but I imagine it’s different in the wizard papers. There’s probably a four page spread on my entire life story and how I’ve been on the side of the death eaters ever since I was bitten,” Remus spat. “It’s probably not all that safe for me to go outside yet. Who knows, maybe there was pictures of me in the muggle news a few weeks ago when this was still a new story.”

Sirius nodded and moved around Remus, brushing his hip with his hand. He found a tin of baby food and went to the sofa to feed Harry.

***

I was 9 pm when they got Harry to sleep and they were both exhausted. Remus wandered out of the bedroom and threw his body down on the sofa. He pulled a thin blanket over his shoulder and curled up. It didn’t look particularly comfortable, the sofa was small and 6”3 Remus was squashed ungracefully on it.

“Moony, do you want to sleep in the bed tonight?” Asked Sirius. “I’ll take the sofa,” he quickly added.

Remus sat up and rubbed at his eyes.

“Nah, I’m fine. It’s not as bad as it looks.”

Sirius didn’t believe that.

“Besides,” continued Remus. “I’m more used to sleeping in uncomfortable places than you are.”

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

He stood there, at the door, watching Remus sitting in the darkness. It felt weird. There had been a sort of odd air between the two of them over the past week that they were yet to address. The war had made everything crazy and while neither of them had ever admitted it, they had drifted apart over the years since Hogwarts. It had always saddened Sirius greatly, the losing Remus over time. They had been so close during school, closer than anyone else had ever really known, but that intimacy had faded in a way that neither of them could of predicted.

Now they were adults, living together with the war over and there was a perfect opportunity to re-establish that old bond but first, they needed to learn how to talk to each other about anything other than Harry and the good old days. They needed to clear the air and set up a dialogue.

Sirius didn’t think that tonight was the time to do that, they were both far too tired.

“Well, night then.” Sirius said as he turned into the bedroom, promising himself that they would talk sooner rather than later.

***

One evening, Sirius was fooled into thinking that perhaps the awkwardness between them had evaporated. It was night, Harry had just gone to sleep and the sun was setting outside.

Sirius found himself wandering over to the living room window. He had never really taken a long moment to look outside of the window. Now that he did, he became aware that the view was rather wonderful. They were closer to the ocean that Sirius had realised and he could see the rising of waves in the distance. Beyond the modern, grey flats that surrounded them were some of the older and more beautiful building Edinburgh had to offer. At that moment, everything outside was silhouetted against the changing sky in the most gentle manner possible.

Sirius hadn't realised Remus was walking towards him until he sat down on the windowsill next to Sirius and offered him a mug of hot tea. They sat together, drinking their tea and watching the peaceful view outside. It was the closest they had been to each other in days.

“What made you choose Edinburgh?” Remus asked after about fifteen minutes of silence.

“Nothing. I just sort of landed here,” Sirius shrugged. “It's nice here, though. I'm glad this is where we are.”

They slipped into a comfortable silence, sitting with their tea at the window and thinking to themselves.

“Fuck,” Sirius suddenly said.

“What is it?”

“I just thought, Harry's gonna grow up with a Scottish accent.”

They both laughed, freely.

“What the fuck's wrong with a Scottish accent?” Remus demanded, his own accent getting stronger, as it always did when he swore. “It's better than your Londoner crap.”

“Hey! I never said there's anything wrong with the Scot's dialect, it's just going to be weird, James' kid speaking in broad Scot's.”

“Well, it won't be all that strong. After all, he'll pick up bits of your accent too, and I'm not really that strong in my accent.”

It was funny, Remus had always sounded so incredibly broad. They had made fun of him for it at times, repeating certain words or phrases he had said in a mocking tone while Remus laughed and insisted that his accent wasn't nearly as strong as they thought it to be. None of them had believed it, but now that Sirius was living in Edinburgh, he realised that Remus had been telling the truth.

“Yeah, I suppose so. You've got that weird mix between Scottish and Welsh and I'm English. Harry's going to have a pretty mess up accent.”

“I'm gonna teach him some Scot's words, and Welsh ones too, and I'm not gonna tell you what they mean so you'll have to put up with a toddler speaking in a different language.”

They both laughed again until once more, they became quieter.

“I grew up just half an hour or so from here,” Remus said, later and with a yawn. “But it seems much further than that.”

“Tell me about it, your home,” said Sirius as he leaned lazily against the window.

“You've been there, you know what it's like.”

“Yeah, but that was only like, twice, and it was so long ago. I can't really remember it.”

Remus looked out across the city, but Sirius got the feeling that he was seeing something entirely different.

“Well, I guess I didn't really live in one place. We lived in Wales until I was bitten, but I can't really remember that. Then we ended up moving about, but we mostly stayed in Scotland after a while. It just always seemed less busy up here.”

Sirius knew all this already, but it was comforting to hear Remus just talk.

“But then when I started going to Hogwarts, there wasn't really any need to move about anymore, so we just stayed in the one place after that.”

“Go on, describe it.”

“I'm not sure I've got the words to describe it. I never even spent a lot of time there, I was at school for most of the year. It was nice though, quiet. Just a little town where you could spend the day sitting reading or something and nothing would ever bother you.”

“Sounds like hell to me,” Sirius said, making Remus laugh slightly.

“Yeah, you would of hated it, but it was great. The sort of place where everyone knew each other, which for us had never been such a great thing. But it didn't seem to matter there. I remember coming home every summer and going on walks with my parents, everyone we passed would stop and say hello, ask us how we were. That was good, seeing that my parents had people to talk to, friends, especially after all I'd put them through. They had to leave the home for me, and all their friends and family.”

“It's not your fault, Remus. You didn't ask for it all.”

“Yeah, but still,” Remus said in his regularly used, self loathing tone. “Y'know, I really liked it there, now that I think about it. It felt like home.”

Sirius suddenly felt a strong wave of jealousy and frustration. Of course, Remus' childhood wasn't exactly an experience to envy, being turned into a werewolf and constantly moving around wasn't something Sirius would wish on anyone. Regardless, Remus still had a family, a home where he felt safe and, at times, happy. There had never been any shouts of hate or name calling, only affection.

“We should visit there, sometime. Take a day trip, let Harry run around in the country for a bit,” said Sirius.

“We can't,” Remus replied. “My dad still lives there.”

“So? Even more reason to go.”

“We can't have any contact with any witches or wizards, those were the conditions that came with Harry, were they not?”

“I'm sure Dumbledore would understand you visiting your father, and your dad would keep our secret.”

Remus shook his head.

“It's too risky. Harry has to come first, I'm not doing anything that could put that in jeopardy, especially when we don't even know if it's safe for me to go outside yet.”

Sirius didn't say anything else. They just continued to watch the city outside.

“We have to build a home here, now.” Remus said. “For all of our sakes.

Sirius didn't reply for a while as he thought about what it meant, a home. He wasn't entirely sure what it was, in this context. He supposed it meant security, love, people. It meant a place of consistency and positivity for Harry to grow up in. It meant offering Harry everything his parents would have given him and more. It meant being with Remus.

“I've never really had one of those before, a home,” he said.

Remus looked him in the eye and took his hand.

“All the more reason to start one now.”

 


	4. Remus' Departure

The next day, Remus wasn’t quite right. Sirius tried to work out what was wrong throughout the day but Remus wouldn’t co-operate. When Harry was taking a nap, Sirius decided to tackle it head on.

“Remus, tell me what’s wrong,” he demanded when Remus was sat on the sofa and Sirius was sitting on the floor. He had become vaguely aware that they never seemed to sit next to each other and avoided touching in general. 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Remus groaned. “There’s a full moon in two days. 

“Oh, okay.”

“I need to find somewhere to go. I need to be away from here.,” Remus groaned, pulling at his hair. 

“Yeah, yeah of course. Do you have any idea where?”

“I can think of a couple of places but I ought to go check them out beforehand. It’ll take me a while to travel without apparating so I’ll probably have to leave today. Will you be okay here?” 

Sirius, somewhat lost for words, fumbled to form a sentence. Of course Remus had to go and of Sirius would have to stay here with Harry, but it felt so wrong. Sirius was so used to following Remus into his darkest times, it made him feel angry that he was so useless now. He couldn’t do anything to ease his suffering anymore. 

There was also the fact that Sirius very much didn’t want to be without him, even for just a few days. In a short amount of time, he had grown so accustomed to having Remus with him, regardless of any distance that may be between them. He wasn't sure if he could handle the demands of baby Harry by himself. 

“What if you just apparated? Then you could leave tomorrow night instead, or something?” Said Sirius. He knew it was stupid, but he was desperate. 

“No, I can't risk it. Besides, we need to get used to relinquishing all forms of magic, regardless of how convenient it may be.”

Remus was already beginning to fill a bag with food and money for his time away. He hastily rummaged around, looking for what he needed, as if he expected the transformation would begin at any moment. 

“I’ll probably be back a day or so after the full moon,” he said, breathlessly. “Until then, just stay inside as much as possible. We should have enough food in the house to last a few days.” 

“Remus, what if you’re seen? I know it’s risky to apparate but don’t you think it’s even riskier to wander around the country with your face on full view?”

That was very clever of Sirius, making his own selfish needs for Remus to be close seem like a rational observation. 

“Yes, perhaps you’re right. But still, I want to leave now to make sure I’ve got plenty of time to look at a variety of places.”

“You sound like you’re going shopping for a new house, not a place to turn into a bloody werewolf, Moony.” Sirius said. 

Remus only laughed under his breath and shook his head. He then picked Harry up from where he was crawling about on the floor and hugged him. 

“Take care of him, Padfoot,” said Remus with a look of worry. 

“It’s not me or Harry you need to worry about over the next few days. Watch out for yourself, Remus. I mean it.” 

Remus put Harry back down on the floor and Harry promptly skittered away. 

"I know how to take care of myself, I've been doing it for long enough.”

He was at the door, next to Sirius and only stopped to pull him into a hug. It was immensely comforting to Sirius, to feel human contact, especially with Remus. After two weeks of staying as far away from each other as possible while still being in the same flat, it made him feel at ease. He didn’t want to let go of him, in fact he wanted to pull Remus to him, to press his nose against his neck and feel Remus rubbing circles at the small of his back like he used to. 

Instead, Remus let go of him, although it was not without reluctance on both of their parts. He looked Sirius in the eye briefly before nodding slightly and leaving. 

***

Sirius had believed that he’d grown accustomed to Harry’s crying. He realised when Remus was gone that he had been horribly wrong. His tolerance level for Harry’s need for constant attention dropped to zero. 

The third day that Remus was gone, Sirius decided that he needed to get out. He dressed Harry, placed him in the buggy that Dumbledore had supplied him with and off they went. Sirius wasn’t sure where they were going, but the outside seemed to diminish the constant screams Harry had been releasing since Remus had left, so Sirius was quite content to carry on. 

They came to a toy shop which Harry spotted and began to point at it with glee. Sirius moved them over to the shop window and looked at the toys with as much longing as Harry. He wanted desperately to be able to walk into the shop and buy Harry whatever he wanted, but they were already running out of money and a new toy really wasn’t a luxury they could afford to give him. Remus and Sirius would need to look for jobs soon, but everything was all too unstable and they were both too uneasy for that to happen yet. There was also the fact that Sirius had absolutely no idea what sort of muggle job he could possible get. 

Harry was trying to pull himself out of the buggy straps with minimal success and began to squeal at his annoyance due to not being inside the shop. Sirius shrugged to the one year old and said, “Oh well, I suppose just a look wouldn’t hurt,” before pushing the buggy inside and letting Harry free. 

Harry didn’t seem to know what to do with himself. He looked up to Sirius, his green eyes filled with excitement before jogging off into the store. Sirius smiled and sat the buggy next to the door before following Harry. The boy ran from shelf to shelf, picking up boxes of toys and dropping them the instant he became bored with them. Sirius ran around after him, picking up the abandoned toys and apologising on behalf of Harry. 

“Harry, stop it,” Sirius said.

Harry looked him right in the eye and dropped the toy he was holding. 

“No.” Harry said. He ran away again. 

“You’re too much like your bloody father, I hope you’ll realise that one day.” 

Harry ignored him. 

Sirius gave up on picking up the toys and soon, Harry gave up on chucking them. He sat down on one of the tiny chairs that was placed in the book area and watched Harry rushing about. 

He looked at the toys around him, thoroughly confused. Everything was so incredibly bright and plastic, like most things in the muggle world were. Even the books were odd, filled with strange stories where everything was happy. What lessons could muggle children possibly hope to learn from that? Sirius would have to tell Harry some version of Beadle the Bard, there was no way he was being read this Rapunzel crap. 

“Pafoo,” said Harry, holding a toy out in front of him. 

“What did you say?” Sirius asked. 

“Pafoo,” Harry repeated. 

“Are you trying to say Padfoot?” 

“Pafoo,” he said again, sounding annoyed now. 

Sirius wasn’t sure where he’d picked that up from. Maybe he’d heard Remus say it, maybe James had taught it to him. Either way, the sight of the baby standing in front of him looking far too much like his father (only much cuter) and calling Sirius “Pafoo” was insanely adorable. 

“Do you want this one?” Sirius asked. 

Harry pushed the box into his hand in way of reply and Sirius could swear he saw him roll his eyes now that Sirius finally understood what he wanted. 

Sirius looked at the toy. It was some sort of car or truck and he was pleased when he looked at the price and saw that Harry had probably picked up one of the cheapest toys in the shop. 

“Nice choice, mate.” Sirius said, making Harry smile. 

They paid for it and left the shop before Harry could decide he’d changed his mind and picked up five other toys. 

When they got home, Harry was utterly consumed by the truck for about two hours. He then decided to throw it at Sirius’ shin when he’d had enough of it. And then the screaming started again. It was worse than it had been in the past two days and showed no sign of stopping an hour later. 

‘Harry, please tell me what you want!” Sirius shouted when he finally gave up on being diplomatic and took to screaming back at the boy. 

“Weemus!” Harry yelled back. 

“Oh, right then. Is Weemus your name for Remus now? Dammit Harry, how dare you say something so cute when you’re being such a shit!” 

Harry screamed louder. Perhaps swearing at him wasn’t the best possible solution. 

“Weemus!” He shouted again. “Weemus, Weemus!”

“I want him too Harry! I’ve just gotten him back after four years and now he’s gone again!” 

Sirius wanted to lay down and cry like he had the night that Remus had showed up. It seemed that a part of Harry might understand that, because his cries lessened significantly to pitiful sniffles.   
Harry walked over to Sirius and put his hands up, expressing his desire to be picked up. Sirius did so and then sat on the sofa, cradling the still weepy Harry.

“He'll be back in a couple of days,” Sirius said, to reassure himself as much as Harry.

Harry nuzzled his snot covered face into Sirius' chest and promptly fell asleep. Sirius sat there for a long time, watching the sky change to darkness. Eventually, he must of fallen asleep too, as the next morning, he and Harry both woke up at almost exactly the same time, both hoping that today, Remus would return.


	5. Silent but Togehter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius continues to struggle with Harry while the two of them restlessly wait for Remus to come back

It was three days since the full moon and there was no sign of Remus. Sirius grew more anxious every moment that passed and he could sense that Harry felt very much the same.

There was so much that could of gone wrong. Remus could be lost somewhere, or maybe injured. He might of even been found by the wizarding world and be in Azkaban right now.  
Sirius couldn't stop his mind from racing. He wondered if it might be possible to get a hold of a copy of the prophet, just to see if Remus had been caught, but it was too risky. For all he knew, Dumbledore was watching him, waiting to see if Sirius would breach the terms of their deal. Harry's safety had to come first, even above Remus'. There was nothing that Sirius could do.  

Harry continued to be an absolute shit which did not make matters any better. In all fairness, he had calmed down a bit since the massive screaming match that had occurred three days prior (although Sirius wasn’t sure if this was due to them bonding over the missing member of their family or the fact that Sirius had bought him a toy). Sirius was beginning to think that Harry didn't like him at all, which made him feel pretty crap. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind.

“Do you feel like going out today, Harry. Go for a walk or something?” Sirius asked after Harry had finished devouring his breakfast.

Harry nodded his head and made a babbling noise.

They set out at about eleven o'clock. It was late November and the weather was getting cold enough for it to snow soon. Harry was outraged by the amount of clothing that was forced upon him and spent the first half of their walk trying to free himself of his gloves as if they were shackles.

Sirius wasn't particularly sure where he was going. He didn't know Edinburgh all that well and hadn't had much of a chance to explore the city yet, so he enjoyed walking down the street, pushing the buggy and admiring this new place in the frost. Harry actually seemed to enjoy it too, when he finally gave up on trying to remove his clothes.

There was a big market on and Sirius was drawn to it. All the stalls were made of wood and the lights were softly orange, not garishly blue. Even the products being sold weren't all plastic and wrapped in four layers of packaging. The food was fresh and most of the things being sold looked handmade. It reminded Sirius so much of Diagon Alley that he could feel his eyes watering. He kept on expecting to turn around the corner and see Olivanders or Gringotts, but nothing quite as magical as that happened.

He wanted to buy everything. And judging by the look of excitement on Harry's face, the boy wouldn't mind if he did just that. Instead, Sirius found a slightly calmer spot and bought them a pretzel to share as well along with juice for Harry and a coffee for Sirius. It was busy, busy enough that under different circumstances, Sirius would likely of become uncomfortable and clung to Harry until they could get away. But there was something so incredibly relaxing and comforting about being there that meant that for the first time in a long time, he wasn't looking around for a threat or someone who wanted to hurt them. He just felt happy, surrounded by other people.

“Pafoo,” harry said when he'd had enough to eat.

“What is it, Harry?”

Harry pointed over to a small kids play area that was set up near by. It looked pretty pathetic, just a slide, a few swings and a couple of other things that looked broken, but to the one year old, it looked like utopia.

“You want to go play there?” Sirius asked, already knowing the answer to his question. “Sure, we can go play.”

He had to grab Harry's hand to stop him from bolting into the crowd and disappearing forever. Still, Harry pulled at Sirius, putting all his strength into moving the man and the buggy faster. They reached the small gate and Sirius softly pushed it open. Harry rapidly ran for the slide.

Sirius sat down on a bench inside the play area and watched as Harry stumbled over the slide, trying desperately to do it like the older kids surrounding him did.

“Do you need a hand, Harry?” Sirius asked, going over and beginning to pick him up.

“No!” Harry kicked and screamed at Sirius until he put him down again.

“Okay, whatever! Do it yourself then, I was just trying to help.”

Harry ignored him and rolled his eyes, something that Sirius realised was becoming a habit of his. Harry was now seemed determined to prove that he could do it without Sirius' help and began his tireless effort at climbing the steps to the slide.

Sirius sat back on the bench where there was now sat a woman who looked to be about thirty, laughing lightly at Sirius.

“What is it?” Sirius asked, perhaps slightly too sharply.

“I'm sorry. It's just that you have a very stubborn and determined son over there, reminds me of my daughter,” said the woman.

“Oh, he's not my son,” said Sirius.

The woman frowned and looked at Harry, appearing suddenly afraid for him.

“I mean, I'm his godfather,” he said quickly. The woman appeared to relax and smiled again.

“Ah, have you been given the responsibility of babysitting for the day while the parents get some early christmas shopping done, then?”

“Oh, no. His parents are dead. I'm his guardian” Sirius wasn't sure why he had just said that, especially in such a blunt manner. A part of him was vaguely aware that that was the first time he had ever actually said that James and Lily were dead.

“I'm incredibly sorry to hear that,” said the woman. She sounded sincere. “Has it been long since they passed, if you don't mind me asking.”

“Just over a month.” Once again, Sirius was shocked by his own honesty. “They both died on the same night.”

“Oh my, that's terrible!” She said.

Even though a part of Sirius felt irritated by that, (of course it was terrible, that didn't need to be stated) he still felt somewhat comforted by it. He supposed he'd never really had that whole people telling you that they're sorry for your loss thing. He'd never even had a proper chance to grieve, what with having Harry to look out for.

“Yeah, it is. I think I'm coping though.”

“I'm very glad to hear that,” she said. “Do you have anyone else helping you? Some friends, a girlfriend? Anyone that can take the boy off your hands for an hour or two so that you can relax? You look far too young to be doing this on your own.”

“Well, I have my, uhm, roommate. My friend, I mean. He's there. That's about it. We, uh, decided to move up here. Get a fresh start and all. Harry doesn't have any other family, after all,” Sirius said, nodding towards Harry.

She frowned some more.

“I take my daughter to this little playgroup on a Thursday. It's not big, just me and a few other mums with their kids, but I'd love to see you next week with your godson. It only costs a pound and we take turns on bringing in food and drink, but don't worry, I'll make sure you don't have to bring anything for at least a month.”

She smiled lightly and it made Sirius feel better.

“Here, I'll write the address down for you, it's really easy to find. Although I can't promise you that the mums won’t pounce on you when they see that you're an attractive, single young man.”

Sirius smirked. It appeared that his old, seductive ways hadn't vanished despite his lack of practise. He could practically feel James laughing next to him.

“Well, if there's plenty of women as lovely as you there, then I'll be sure to make an appearance.”

The woman blushed which only made Sirius smile more.

“I'm Sandra, by the way,” she said, handing over the address on a slip of paper. “What's your name.”

“Sirius,” he said.

“Well, Sirius. It's been lovely to meet you and I really look forward to seeing you again.” She placed her hand on his shoulder before standing up. “Bye for now,” she said before heading over the the swings to collect the child who was presumably Sandra's daughter.

Sirius sat for a while, thinking about the kind stranger he had just encountered and feeling ever so slightly better about everything. He looked over at the slide to see that Harry had, of course, mastered it. Sirius got the feeling that Harry could probably do whatever he wanted if he put his mind to it which was both brilliant and terrifying.

“C'mon, Harry. Let's get home.”

Shockingly, Harry didn't protest and climbed into the buggy without fuss. It seemed that he had exhausted himself in his battle against the slide as he fell asleep on the way home. Sirius took his time returning in the same way that he had earlier, in no hurry to go back to the empty flat and wake Harry up. It was just about three when they returned, they'd been out for a four hour walk, no wonder Harry was exhausted.

Sirius pushed the key into the door, but it instantly opened without him turning it, already unlocked. He began to instantly panic, his mind turning to the darkest of scenarios that could come with the door being unlocked. Sirius placed the buggy behind him, keeping one hand placed on its handle, and pushed the door further open, slowly.

He heard movement coming from behind the door and without taking another moment to think, Sirius attacked the figure that stood there, leaping on it.

“Ow! Fuck, Sirius!” Shouted the figure that Sirius had managed to loosely pin to the ground.

“Remus? What the fuck!”

“I could ask you the same thing, Sirius. I mean-”

Sirius stopped him from talking by kissing him. It wasn't exactly a nice kiss, in fact it was pretty awful. Sirius felt somewhat ashamed for being part of such a bad kiss. However, Remus did kiss him back which made matters a little bit better. It wasn't a long kiss either, which was probably not a bad thing considering how terrible it was.

When it was over, Sirius realised he was still pinning Remus to the ground and figured that it was probably best to stop doing so. He sat up, awkwardly, and remus rested himself on his elbows, looking Sirius in the eye for probably only the second or third in the past few weeks.

“You haven't done that since we were nineteen,” said Remus.

“What? Kissed you or attacked you cause I thought you'd broken into my flat?”

Remus looked open mouthed up at the ceiling for a moment as he considered his answer before looking back at Sirius.

“Well, both, I guess. I mean, I don't think you've ever attacked me cause you though I'd broken in before.”

“Clearly you don't remember that time at James' in '76 then,” Sirius murmured.

“Oh yeah. Let's not even go there. But that's not what I meant,” said Remus, suddenly tuning serious. “What I mean is-where is Harry?”

Sirius looked around himself, confused, before realising that Harry was still asleep outside the door.

“Oh shit,” he said as he went to get him and locked the door behind him.

Remus looked at Harry, asleep in the pram, looking more peaceful than he had in almost a week. Remus sat down next to the pram and took Harry's hand gently, careful not to wake him.

“I missed him so much, and you too. A lot.”

Sirius sat down on the floor, close to Remus, and watched Harry with him.

“Uh, Remus?” Sirius said after a minute or two.

“Yes?”

“What was that thing you were going to say earlier. Y'know, about the kissing and stuff.”

“Oh, right.” Remus seemed to snap into focus. “Well, I was just going to reiterate the fact that you haven't done that-kiss me, I mean-in a really long time and-”

“And it was really bad and a stupid decision and I should never do it again, right?” Interrupted Sirius.

“No, now stop talking over me and shut up so you can actually hear what I have to say."

Sirius did as he was told."

" I just wasn't sure if you were...interested in me like that anymore. After all, the war changed us all and I always accepted that we drifted apart but now I know the reason for that is you thought I was a spy and now you know that that's not true so you have to reevaluate your thoughts on me which I thought, or at least hoped,would lead you to doing something like this but I wasn't really sure if it would happen or not considering everything that's happened recently and mourning James and Lily and us focusing on Harry so much and-”

“Fuck, Remus. Breath for a second will you?”

Remus did so and then looked back at Harry.

“I just wasn't expecting it is all. I wanted it, but I wasn't expecting it.”

“You wanted it,” Sirius repeated in a whisper.

“I've missed you Sirius,” Remus said, facing him once more. “I was thinking while I was away this past week that over the last four years, we've probably never gone much more than a few weeks, a month maybe, without seeing each other, yet it feels like this month has been the first time we've actually been together since school.”

Sirius felt guilty. Of course, they had been in the middle of a war, neither of them could be blamed for having drifted apart. But a large part of that separation was due to Sirius' own paranoia and mistrust in Remus. If Sirius had trusted him, James and Lily wouldn't be dead and they wouldn't be in this situation right now, Sirius and Remus unsure of where they stood with one another. 

He couldn't let himself live in a world of what if's, it had happened and he'd hate himself forever for it. Now all that could be done was to make it up to Remus and for them to start again along with Harry.  

They didn't say anything else for a while and for the first time, the silence between them didn’t feel uncomfortable. It was like when they used to sit together in the common room, Remus reading a book, Sirius listening to some music. Both of them silent, but together.

It was then that Remus started the second kiss that was considerable better than the last one. It was much more like kissing while lying on the grass next to the black lake, underneath their oak tree in fifth year. There was no pressure, no rush for anything. It was just quiet and nice. 

It wasn’t until the kiss ended that Sirius remembered where and and when he was. He could feel Remus blushing as their heads rested together which made him smirk. He felt his old teenage smugness coming back to him when he realised how flustered Remus seemed to be because of him. 

“Shut up,” Remus muttered.

“I never even said anything,” laughed Sirius.

“Yeah well, tell your face to shut up then.” Remus bowed his head, his whole face now turning a satisfying shade of red.

“What does that even mean?” Sirius asked.

“I don't know, just make it do it already.”

They both laughed and then kissed some more, generally acting like embarrassing lovesick teenagers again, giggling and grinning included. The sat, lacing their fingers together and running their fingers through each others hair in a way that would have made anyone who saw them want to vomit. In the past, they had always been careful about who saw them together, so conscience of what people thought. Sirius was sure that he couldn’t care less anymore. There were only two people left in the world for him and he loved them both more than he could ever say.


	6. The Ladies of the Mother and Toddler Play Group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius takes Harry along to a play group and gets more out of it than he had anticipated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is a few days late, but I think I'm gonna take a hiatus from this fic for the rest of May, just till i get through my exams :(

On Thursday morning Sirius got Harry dressed in his winter jacket that he despised and forced him into his hat and gloves.

“Where are you going?” Remus asked, sleepily when he saw the two of them getting ready to leave.

“Oh, didn't I tell you? I met this woman in the park, she invited Harry and me to this playgroup. D'you want to come?”

“Nah, I think I'll leave you to it,” Remus replied with a raised eyebrow.

“What is it?” Sirius asked, detecting something odd in Remus' expression.

Remus just laughed.

“This woman, she was what, thirty or so?”

“Yeah I'd say so, why?”

“She was married too, wasn't she?”

“Yes, and your point is?”

Remus laughed again.

“You really don't know the effect you have on married women over thirty, do you?” He smirked.

Sirius was confused. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, shaking his head. 

“Padfoot, you're a twenty-two year old motorbike riding, leather wearing, tall man with long hair and a dark complexion with a bad boy attitude and a smirk that promises anyone who sees it that you'll add excitement to their lives, of course older women love you. You're like a hero from a romance novel only gayer.”  

“Is that what you think of me?” Sirius asked, smiling. 

“See? You’re doing right now! That smirk and your whole body language.” Remus waved his arms frantically at Sirius to illustrate his point.

Usually, it would of made Sirius laugh, seeing Remus so flustered, but he wanted to prove him wrong and tried to make himself move in less seductive way. 

"I still don't know what you mean," Sirius lied. 

“Don’t you remember the witch who did our apparition tests? You messed up, left your thumb behind. She still passed you after you flirted your way to it. James was so pissed off, he said if he tried to do the same thing, he would of gotten a slap across the cheek and a month's detention.” 

Sirius blushed. 

“Oh come on, that was once. That doesn’t mean I have some godly effect on all married women.” 

“What about the time we had that Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher in sixth year? What was her name, Professor Hallow? You never handed you homework in once. In fact I don't think you ever even picked up your quill all year in that class. Yet she was the only teacher you ever had in seven years that never took points off of you or gave you detention.”

“So she liked me, so what?”

“She liked you because you used to say things like “I love the way you’ve styled your hair today, it really brings out those fantastic cheekbones of yours,” or “Oh, Professor Hallow, I really like that shade of lipstick you’re wearing.” It was sort of hilarious watching you do it.” 

“Where you jealous?” Sirius asked, smiling.

“No, not really. James was though, he always got so pissed off with your ability to woo women when you didn't even have any interest in them. Especially when he had to try so hard to get the attention of girls.”

The thought of James complaining to the others about Sirius flirting with teachers made him laugh.

“Well, whatever you think, I'm going to have a nice morning out and you can just sit here and be jealous.”

He left Remus behind, laughing annoyingly, and took Harry off.

The playgroup was held in a small hall about a five minute walk from the flat. When he got there, he met a woman at the door with a tub of money. She stared at him for a few seconds before actually speaking to him.

“Can I help you?” She asked sharply.

“I met a woman in the park a few days ago, called Sandra. She invited me and my godson to this playgroup, if that's okay.”

The woman's face slackened into a slight smile.

“Oh well then, please come in,” she said. 

He walked over to where she sat and offered her the coin he now knew to be worth one pound. 

“Just go on through there,” she said, waving towards the room next to them.

Sirius smiled at her and did as she said. The hall was small and filled with toys and prams. At the top of the hall was a table where a group of women sat with cups of tea, chatting amongst themselves.

The first of them to notice him looked at first surprised to see him but then her face changed to an odd smile.

“And who might you be?” She asked. The rest of the women turned to look at him.

“You came! I'm so glad,” said Sandra who stood up and moved towards him. “Ladies, this is Sirius. I met him in the park a few days ago and invited him to come along with his godson.”

Now that they knew who he was, they all seemed suddenly very interested in him. They began crowding around him, frantically asking questions as if interrogating him. 

“My, Sirius, that's an interesting name,” said one of them.

“Uhm, yeah. My parents were astrologists so they named me after the dog star,” Sirius lied.

For a moment, he was worried that muggles didn't know what astrology was, but they didn't question it so they either knew of it or were afraid of questioning it out of fear of sounding stupid.

“That’s fascinating. My parents were just shopkeepers.” 

“How old are you, Sirius? If you don't mind me asking,” asked a blonde.

“Twenty-two,” he answered. “And I must say how much I love your scarf,” he added.

“You're practically a baby yourself,” another commented. “I think you need a good older woman to take care of you. Don't you agree, girls?” They all nodded enthusiastically. Sirius was confused. 

“That is unless you already have some young girlfriend somewhere,” said a woman in a long skirt with a frown.

“No, there’s no girl,” he said. 

“He’s single! This just keeps getting better.”

“Well, not exactly single-” They ignored him. 

“What's your godson called?”

“Harry,” he answered.

“Well I think it's just lovely that you're taking care of him like this. My child's godparents never do anything. I bet his parent appreciate the break,” a tall woman said.

“Actually, he's an orphan. I'm his guardian.”  

Their jabbering fell quiet.

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” a woman commented.   
They all nodded and repeated their “sorry’s” while Sirius stood there. It was still so foreign to him, being treated like a mourner.

“Do you have any friends or family to help you?”

“Yeah, I have one person.”

“Well, you have all of us now,” Sandra said and they all expressed their agreement. “Come sit down and have a cup of tea with us”

Sirius did so after removing Harry's jacket for him and watching him run off towards the train set.

“Do you work, Sirius?” one of them asked, her chin resting on her hands.

“No, not yet. I need to find a job but I don't know what to search for.”

“Are you a student.”

He shook his head.

“Well, what job experience do you have?”

“I, uh. I was in the army,” said Sirius, quickly.

“The army? A young, attractive, single military man. This is too good to belief,” the woman with the nice scarf said.

“I got injured a while ago and was discharged. I haven't worked since but now I have Harry, I really need to find something.”

Sirius could feel his strong ability to lie coming back to him in floods, he hadn't needed to use it in a while now. He remembered that the best lie was built on some form of truth. Sirius really had been injured a few months ago after a harsh battle. And in a sense, he really had been in the army. The rest of it was entirely made up.

“What interests or skills do you have?” A redhead asked.

Sirius wasn't sure what to say. He didn't really know what muggles counted as interests or skills. Sirius could hardly tell them that he could perform a decent patronus. As for interests, he wasn't really so sure.

“I like bikes,” he suggested. “Like, motorbikes. I used to have one.”

“So now he rides around on bikes, too? This is unbelievable,” said the woman with the scarf.

“Could fix it yourself? Did you understand the mechanic, I mean,” the woman in the long skirt asked.

“Oh yeah. In fact, I even-” He stopped himself before he could say “I even made it fly.”

“You even what?”

“I even built it up from scraps,” he said, only a half lie.

“Do you know a lot about mechanics?” The same woman asked.

“Not a lot, I know the basics. I'm a pretty fast learner so I picked it up well enough.”

“I know a man who owns a garage, he's been thinking about taking on an apprentice I could have a word with him, get him to take you on,” the woman in the long skirt said. “He's ex military as well, I bet he'd be glad to help out a man who fought for his country. It wouldn't be a lot of money at first, but get yourself trained up and you could make a real good career out of it.”

Sirius stared at her, unsure of how to react. He'd had no idea of where to begin considering suitable jobs and now this woman had appeared with the perfect opportunity for him. There was probably no other muggle job as well suited to Sirius. Of course, it would take him time to learn everything and it'd be odd fixing up vehicles without magic but he would work it out.

“That, that would be amazing. Thank you so much,” he managed to splutter out eventually.

She nodded at him and smiled. The conversation evolved onto other matters, although it would always come back to Sirius sooner or later (and yes, maybe Sirius was beginning to understand what it was Remus meant about him and married women). After two hours of drinking tea and watching Harry going back and forth between toys with excitement in his eyes, it was time to go. 

Harry seemed incredibly grumpy when they got back to the flat where there were no more toys for him to throw about. He moaped off towards Remus and demanded that he pick him up, clearly having had enough of sirius for one day. 

“Did you have fun?” Remus asked. Harry nodded. 

“I may have gotten a job,” Sirius said, still confused as to how that had happened. 

“What? How, doing what?” Remus asked, just as bemused as Sirius was. 

“I’m not sure, and it’s not definite yet. I was just talking to them about how I needed a job and this woman said that her husband was a mechanic who was looking for an apprentice. She said she’d talk to him for me and he’d probably take me on.”

“Really? That’s great!” Remus cried as he kissed Sirius and Harry crawled about in his arms, desperate for escape. “But do you know enough about mechanics to do it?”

“Well, I know a bit from working on my bike. Besides, it’s an apprenticeship so the whole point is learning as you go along.”

“That’s true. I’m so excited for you! And also incredibly relieved because we really need money.”

“It’s not going to be a lot,” Sirius said. “After all, it is just an apprenticeship. I’ll probably have to look for another job as well to help.” 

“We don’t have to worry about that right now. At the moment, we’re going to celebrate you getting a job that is going to be brilliant for you,” Remus told him while turning towards the kitchen.   
“How exactly do you intend to celebrate? I don’t believe that muggles have firewhisky.”

Remus smiled. 

“I have something even better.”

“Better than firewhisky? I can’t believe that.”

Remus held up a bag of apples. 

“I have these,” he said, smiling. 

“Apples? Really, Moony? Please tell me that you have some sort of magicless way to turn those apples into cider in five minutes cause if not, I am probably going to cry.” 

“Oh these aren’t any normal apples. These are fancy apples,” said Remus, proudly. 

“And what exactly makes an apple classify as fancy? Is it the colour? The country of origin?”

Remus shrugged. 

“Nah, they just cost me 2p extra than the ones I usually get.”

“2p? 2p! Remus Lupin, how could you? How could you dare to spend 2p extra on a bag of apples than you usually do? What an outrage!” Sirius shouted with a sarcastic flare. 

“It’s gonna be worth it. These will be the best celebratory apples you have ever tasted in your life.”

He threw one at Sirius who caught it and wiped it on his shirt before taking a bite. Oddly enough, Remus had been right. It was the best apple that Sirius had ever tasted. 

“Wow. I’ve got to admit, that is a bloody good apple,” Sirius said. 

“Worth the extra 2p?”

“Definitely,” Sirius moaned over a mouthful of apple. 

They sat down on the sofa together and Harry decided to join them, pushing a space between them until it was big enough for him to climb into. The three of them sat quietly for a while as they ate. 

“What am I going to do?” Remus sighed after some time.    
“What do you mean?” Sirius asked. 

“Like, for a job. I never even thought about it, and that was in the wizard world. I knew I’d never be able to hold down a decent job but it didn’t really matter, I never really expected to get through the war somehow. But it’s over and I’m a muggle now, I’m not gonna be stopped from getting a job cause I’m a werewolf.”

“But that’s a good thing, you can do whatever you want.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem,” Remus sighed. “There’s just so much. I don’t know what to do, I’ve gone from having no options to being able to do anything. That’s sort of terrifying.”

“We’ll work it out, Moony. I didn’t know what I wanted either, now this oppurtunities just appeared and it’s sort of perfect. It’ll come for you too, I promise.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right,” Remus said, sounding thoroughly unconvinced. 

Sirius didn’t know what else to say. Remus had always been far too self conscious and uncomfortable in himself. At times, Sirius was able to minimise that slightly with the right words and actions. He wasn’t sure if he could do that down with something as deep set as this. 

Instead of saying anymore words of reassurance, Sirius just took his hand and rested his cheek on Remus’ shoulder.


	7. Ships Passing in the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius head into the muggle world of work with highly different outcomes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I abandoned this fic I want to pick it up again but I'm not sure how regular the updates will be at the moment. For now, take this as a piece offering and know I'm working on some more chapters.

Sirius started working at the garage ten days later. The man who hired him, Gavin Murray, was kind and quiet. He was in his forties and walked with a slight limp. Gavin was always patient with Sirius when he needed to be shown something twice and paid Sirius far more than he really ought to earn as just an apprentice. 

Sirius enjoyed spending his days in the garage, learning different things everyday, working with the radio on in the background, exchanging old war stories with Gavin (although he would of course leave out the magic parts). He would always return home, covered in grease, to find Remus putting Harry to bed or making dinner. 

Since the New Year, Remus had begun an attempt to make the flat look a little less like a prison cell. This process had started after he had seen a sofa sitting in a skip. He had asked the owner of the skip if he could take the sofa, they told him that he could take that and whatever else he wanted. Remus had then come home with a large sofa, two armchairs, and a coffee table. Ever since then, he had been raiding skips, charity shops and sales for new items. 

Now, the flat was filled with furniture that was actually nice and large enough for the two tall men to sit comfortably in. He’d also collected some artwork to decorate the place, Sirius didn’t exactly get the art that Remus had found, but it looked nice enough. In mid January, he had even treated them to a phone (not that they had anyone to call or knew how to work it).

“You’re like a housewife, Moony,” Sirius commented one night a few months after he had started working as he walked through the door to find Remus scrubbing the table. "I come home to see you in an apron and a feather duster, it's rather pleasant." 

“Well don't get too attached to it, that might not be the case for much longer,” said Remus as he threw his cloth on the worktop. 

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, kicking off his boots. 

“I’ve got a job.”

“Seriously? Wow, what kind of job?”

“It’s just cleaning this hotel part time. The pay’s pretty shit and I’ve got a night shift. But still, it’ll bring in a bit extra money.”

“Congratulations!” Sirius yelled, probably loud enough to wake Harry. “We need some fancy apples to celebrate.”

Remus laughed as Sirius kissed him. 

“Don’t! You’re covered in dirt!” Remus cried as he pulled away, still laughing. 

“Surely you’re used to it by now,” Sirius said as he realised that he’d already managed to cover Remus in grease. “But anyways, back to this job. When did you apply for it? You never even mentioned anything.” 

“I know, that’s cause I just saw an advert for it at the newsagents today. I called them, they told me the details of the job, I made up some crap about my experience as a cleaner and they told me I start on Monday.” 

“What days are you working?”

Remus shrugged. 

“I don’t know, I share the job with some other person, we’ll swap around a bit, I think.”

“Good, that’ll be good.”

Remus nodded his head, passively. 

“You don't sound all that existed about this, Moony.”

“Well, it's sort of hard to get overly enthusiastic about a part time cleaning job,” Remus said with a shrug he attempted to make seem light hearted.

“You'll find something better,” Sirius assured him as he laced his arms around his waist. “This will just be until we have more money, enough to properly sort us out.”

“Yeah, it'll be fine. I'll find something better, I'll work out what I want to do,” Remus said in an entirely unconvincing way.

He started work the next week, leaving for the hotel at 8 pm. When he returned, it was getting close to the time when Sirius would have to leave for his own job. Remus looked exhausted, his shoulders were shrugged and the shadows under his eyes (which were already noticeable enough on a regular day) were as large as they were right after a full moon.

“How was it?” Sirius asked, fearing the answer.

“I didn't realise how hard it was to clean without magic,” Remus sighed. “I thought I would be okay with it, but it's harder than I thought.”

Sirius barely had time to utter some words of encouragement before he had to leave for the garage. When he got back, he found Remus asleep on the sofa and Harry climbing on top of him, pulling his hair.

“Moony,” Sirius whispered, leaning down to Remus' ear. Remus awoke with a jump, almost hitting Sirius in the forehead and toppling Harry off of him.

“What time is it?” Remus asked as he rubbed his eyes and shook his hair out of his face.

“About half six.”

Remus groaned and collapsed back down onto the sofa.

“What time do you have to leave?” Sirius asked.

“Same as yesterday.”

“Well in that case, we've got around an hour and a half together. What do you want to do, have you eaten yet?”

“Sleep. I want more sleep.”

Sirius suddenly felt worried. Was it just going to be like this now? Sirius coming and Remus going, never getting to spend anytime together, being exhausted when they do. He hoped that it was only going to be like this until Remus got into more of a routine.

Remus didn't pull himself off of the sofa until ten minutes before he had to leave. He took a sandwich with him upon Sirius' insistence, and left in a sleepy haze.

***

It was odd, not having Remus in the flat. In the four months that they had lived there, Remus hadn't left the flat all that much. With no idea of what was going on in the wizarding world, they didn't know whether Remus was still being searched for or not. (“Of course they're still looking for me,” Remus had said one day when the topic had come up. “I can imagine the headlines the profit must be running, 'Courageous volunteers continue search for rabid murderous werewolf'").

Now, things were different. Remus had been working for a month and no one had recognised him to the best of their knowledge. They had a routine, Sirius would come home at about six pm, Remus would leave two hour later. He'd then be home at between five and six pm before Sirius left at nine. Remus worked three days a week, the rest of his time was spent mostly sleeping and taking care of Harry. 

It drained them all, constantly only catching glimpses of each other as they came and went, never getting to spend time together with Harry. They were ships passing in the night. It wouldn't of been so bad if Remus actually liked his job, but he dreaded having to leave the flat to go work at the hotel under an inpatient and cruel manager. He had tried to get another job since the moment he had gotten the first, but had had no luck so far.

On a Friday morning, Remus arrived home, desperate for sleep. He shrugged off his jacket and shoes and fell into the bed where Sirius was already lying, just having woken up. Remus pushed his way into the bed next to Sirius and threw his head down onto the pillow.

“Y'know Moony, I find it pretty weird that over the past three months, you've replaced our sofa three times yet we still have the same tiny bed,” Sirius sighed as he squashed himself as close to the wall as possible to make room for Remus in the single bed.

“There's not exactly a lot of room in here for a bigger bed,” Remus murmured with his eyes closed and face still smushed against the pillow. “Besides, maybe I like having the excuse of a small bed to sleep as close to you as possible.”

Sirius smiled and began to play with Remus' hair, knowing that doing so would make them both fall asleep.

“We need to get a bigger flat,” Sirius said, unsure if Remus was still awake or not. The groan that came from Remus in reply suggested that he was. “We can't have the three of us sleeping in the one room forever, and Harry’s gonna need a proper bed soon.” 

"I don't think that's going happen anytime soon," said the muffled voice of Remus. "Not enough money." 

"Yeah, we're just gonna have to do something about that," Sirius said as he stared at the dirty ceiling. 

Remus suddenly sat up, his hair comically ruffled and his eyes surprisingly wide considering that he had barely been conscience just seconds before. 

"What?" Sirius said as Remus squinted at him, looking as if he was accusing him of something.

"Stop it. Whatever you're planning, stop thinking about it now."

"I have no idea what you mean, what exactly is it that I'm being accused of planning?"

"I don't know yet, but you've got that look you always get when you begin planning something illegal, immoral or otherwise reckless." 

"What? What look? Moony, you are clearly tired and need to go to sleep because there is absolutely no sort of plan that-"

"Oh please, cut the crap. You think after seven years of Hogwarts I don't know what you look like when you plan something? It's always the same, first the look, then acting oblivious when I call you up on it, then you go on the defence and claim that you are not to blame for anything."

"No I don't!" Sirius protested.

Remus raised an eyebrow at him. 

"In the past, you'd usually go a couple of days then tell me the plan so I could work out ways to improve it for you. Now, I need you to tell me the plan so I can knock some sense into you and remind you that you have a family now to think of before doing stupid shit."

"Remus, I'm not a teenager anymore. Nor am I a fucking idiot. I wouldn't do anything that could ever jeopardise us. I swear it."

Remus seemed too tired to argue with him, but threw one last untrusting glance at Sirius before deciding to sleep. 

Sirius hadn't really been consciously planning anything before Remus had said that, but now he couldn't stop his mind from wandering. He tried desperately to stop himself from thinking before anything went too far, but it was incredibly difficult to suppress such a fundamental part of himself. He forced himself to go back to sleep and leave all planning and plotting behind him for good.


	8. Harry's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry turns two, Remus and Sirius ensure that the occasion doesn't go unmarked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to promise regular updates but I've got a bunch of things I'm still looking forward to writing in the fic so I'm hoping to un-abandon it. If I take too long to update then feel free to send me a (friendly) comment giving me the kick up the arse needed to write. 80% of the reason I stop writing is cause I'm crazy forgetful. Watch this space.

It was mid July and Remus was trying to force Harry’s yogurt into his mouth instead of on his highchair where Harry seemed to want it to go when he remembered what was coming. Sirius had just got home and he saw Remus’ head lift up, an alarmed expression on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Sirius asked.

“It’s the 15th today, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And Harry’s birthday is on the 31st…”

“Shit! He’s two in a couple of weeks, I forgot all about it.” Sirius was suddenly filled with a wave of guilt, he could feel James mentally slapping him from the beyond for forgetting his son's birthday.

“So did I. We have to organise something, we have to get presents and a cake, we have to have a party!”

Harry started clapping his hands, either because he understood what Remus was saying and was excited by the thought of birthday celebrations, or he was just glad that he was no longer being persistently attacked by a yogurt filled spoon.

“Woah woah, slow down, Moony. We don’t exactly have the money for all that. We’ll get him a present or two, of course. But that’s got to be it.”

Remus frowned and bit the inside of his cheek. He picked up the spoon again and forced it into the mouth of a protesting Harry. 

“We’ve been putting away some of our wages each month, we could dip into that.”

“You want us to blow what little savings we have on a birthday party for Harry?”

“Not blow it, just take a little bit.” Sirius hated the fact that he already knew Remus would win, the git.

“Why am I the reasonable one right now? I don’t like it.”

“Come on, Padfoot. Treat your godson, he deserves it.” 

Remus batted his eyelashes and leaned into Harry who also pulled his most adorable of faces. And with a flash of soft brown eyes, Sirius was won over.

“Fine, but we are not going overboard.”

He knew they’d spend more than was wise and that they’d most likely be starving for the next month as a result of it, but Sirius’ two biggest weaknesses were Harry and Remus and both of them needed this treat.

***

Sirius and Remus now seemed to enjoy the local toy shop more than Harry did as they had spent an embarrassingly long time testing the toys there. Sandra had agreed to take Harry for the afternoon while the organised the party, bought the necessary supplies, and played with potential birthday presents 

"Do you remember that little toy broomstick I got for Harry last year?" Sirius asked as he kneeled down to one of the lower shelves in the toyshop.

"Yeah, why?" Replied Remus.

"I reckon this is like the muggle version." He pulled out a small, electric car that rode along when you put your foot on the pedal and he gracelessly climbed inside it.

Remus laughed as Sirius attempted to drive his way around the shop while the man working the till stared at him with a scrunched up face.

“Can we get it? Please say we can get it!” Sirius said, his eyes bright.

“For you or for Harry?”

Sirius paused.

“Harry, definitely for Harry. And if I happen to use it after he falls asleep, that’s a total coincidence.”

"I don't even want to look at the price tag," Remus said.

"Oh, cmon. You’re the one who wanted to spend half our budget for the rest of the year on Harry’s birthday. Just buy this useless, overpriced toy with me now. Who cares if we can't afford heating until next March?"

"Y'know what? Let's do it," said Remus after the slightest of pauses.

"What, really?"

"Sure, we deserve something nice. And by we I mean Harry, obviously."

They also took full advantage of the guests, knowing that the more who came, the more presents Harry would get and the less they would have to spend on toys and clothes for the next few months. All the children from the toddlers group and their mothers had been invited, even if it was just so Sirius could prove that they liked him because he’s a nice person, not because of his flirting skills. A woman Remus worked with also had a so the same age as Harry who was invited. They pulled along a few more guests in the hopes that Harry would make some friends instead of being a loner for a change. 

They knew they couldn’t really fit everyone into their birdcage of a flat, but there was a decent sized communal space outside the building which no one used for anything other than hanging their washing. They decorated it with some cheap balloons and banners made from scrap paper Remus had stolen from work. It was pretty depressing, but by the time they filled the space with laughing children and cake, it would all be fine.

On the day of the party, they both got the time off work and rose early to make up party food and attempt the highly challenging task of making a cake. It wasn’t made entirely from scratch, they used a store bought mix yet it still managed to go horribly.

“Do we have a measuring thingy?” Sirius asked while examining the box waiting for it to reveal it's secrets to him. 

“Nah, just guess.” Remus answered while fiddling with the oven.

“I can’t do that! My biggest weakness in potions was my inability to measure things, and that was with scales. Just tell me how much water is 200 ml.”

“Never mind that. We won’t be able to make a cake at all if I can’t get this damn oven to work.”

“You bought that thing six months ago and you still don’t know how to work it?”

“Oi, at least I can make an attempt. I’m not the one who gets scared when the toaster goes off.”

“That was one time! How was I supposed to know it would pop up like that…”

Somehow, they managed to get through it and produced a cake that was somehow burnt and undercooked at the same time, yet still edible. By the time they covered it in a mass of icing, it looked nearly alright.

The guests started to arrive at two, bringing brightly wrapped boxes tucked under their arms. Harry jumped and clapped his fat little toddler hands when the gaggle of kids turned around the corner into the party space. At the playgroup, he tended to steal other people’s toys and run away in his own corner to play with them but the party spirit seemed to be getting to him and he actually hugged his guests when they appeared (possibly just so he could grab the presents out of their hands).

Neither of them were particularly familiar with muggle party games. Fortunately, Sirius had been able to consult the mothers at the playgroup and ask them for an “update” on the sort of games kids played these days. Hitting paper horses to get sweets out and passing a parcel around a circle seemed rather ridiculous, but it worked shockingly well. Harry was also being social for once which was a plus. They were always confused by how much of a loner he liked to be considering his incredibly social parents, but maybe he’d be willing to change now. Sirius was hoping that two year old Harry would be mature enough to stop throwing tantrums every time another human being dared to approach him. The he started talking to Louise, the mother of four year old twins who destroyed that dream for him.

“So, are you prepared for the terrible twos?” She laughed, nudging Sirius in the ribcage.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“You haven’t heard of terrible twos?” Sirius shook his head. “Oh my, well it’s basically a phrase describing the period in a toddlers development where they become unruly and cause a lot of mayhem.”

Sirius laughed sharply.

“I think Harry hit that period about a year ago. I can deal with it.”

“You think it’s bad now? Oh, just you wait. I used to think my twins were hard to cope with before their second brithday, but the stress I dealt with when they got to that age! It was crazy, they started pulling people hair, scratching, biting, hiting. They'd been so pleasant then they turned vicious. I was terrified I was going to have to raise two horrors, thankfully they grey out of it. It was still hard though. Actually, I think they turned two about the same time as my husband started to go bald…”

“Bald!” Sirius screamed, his hands flying up to his head. “You’re telling me I might lose my hair?”

Remus, clearly alarmed by Sirius’ yelp, left Harry at the game of musical bumps to attend to his second child.

“What’s wrong, pads?” He asked with an expression that was part concern, part exasperation.

“I’m going to go bald, Remus! That little shit’s going to make me lose my hair!” Sirius pointed at Harry in fury. 

“What? Okay, Sirius just relax for a second-”

“Out of all that I’ve lost this year this is definitely the worst!” Sirius was still clinging at his hair, trying to take in it’s silkiness before it was gone forever.

“You’re not going to-Wait, did you just say losing your hair is worse than losing your best friend? Wow, glad to see you’ve got your priorities in order.”

“James would respect that this is a bigger loss to humanity that his life. I hope he’ll also appreciate me killing his son for causing this disaster!”

“Sirius, please shut the fuck up,” Remus said through gritted teeth as he pulled them away from the concerned parents who had just heard Sirius threaten to kill his godson. “Listen, I want you to think about this. Is you dad bald?”

“No, but-”

“Is any other person in your family bald?”

“Well, I had an aunt who blew off her fringe once…”

“The answer to that question is no. The Black’s have good hair genes. And you’re twenty-two, so even if your hair does thin, you’ve got a few years before it happens. Harry being the most stressful two year old on the planet isn’t going to change that. The only thing that’s going to make you lose your hair is you if you don’t stop pulling it out of your scalp.”

Sirius realised just how tight his grip on his hair was and loosened his hands.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll lose my insanity because of that boy before I lose my hair.”

“I think your insanity is long gone, sorry Sirius. Also, if you do go bald, I’m leaving you and taking Harry with me, just saying.”

“Well, that’s not stressful at all.”

Sirius turned around to realise that during his freak out, Harry had abandoned the game to laugh at him, a large number of the kids had also joined him.

“You think it’s funny, do you, you fucking sadists.” A lot of parents were looking at him too, not too happy at Sirius swearing at their children. What a great start to the party.

After that slight meltdown, everything was rather calm. Harry mostly behaved himself (no sign of the terrible twos yet). Hopefully he’d discover that being nice to children his age was actually a lot of fun and he’d make a habit of it. Muggle games were more entertaining that was to be expected, Remus seemed to get a little too much joy out of beating the colourful horse thing with a bat and didn’t give any of the children a chance to get the sweets out of it.

The cake was rather successful, most of the kids asked for more. Sirius just hoped he didn’t get any complaints the next day about them all having food poisoning. He also worried about how high on sugar Harry was getting and the inevitable crash that would come soon after. But that was an issue for him to deal with later, now was time for enjoyment.

“I think it’s time to open presents” Remus whispered to Sirius in the hope that Harry wouldn’t overhear them. Unfortunately for them, Harry had alarmingly good ears for a two year old and knew exactly what they were talking about, leading to him running in circles around their feet yelling “Presents for me! Presents for me!” and insuring that they had no choice but to give him the gifts now.

“Okay, Harry. I need to go get them so please stop running under my feet!” Remus begged as Harry continued to rush about his legs like a cat about to be fed. He got too excited and ran into the table where the presents were stacked as Remus tried to pick them up. Remarkably, he didn’t seem to even notice he’d been hurt and ran back to the circle of children, sitting nicely with his legs in a basket until he was handed the first one.

Harry seemed to be more interested in the wrapping paper than the presents inside (Sirius kept back the shiny paper Harry liked the most for him to play with later) but he was still delighted with every gift he received. He didn’t even think to be insulted when one person gave him bed sheets instead of toys. Funnily enough, the toy that seemed to please Harry the most was a wizards dress up set. it was a wildly inaccurate version of what wizards wore with it's purple cape decorated with moons, it's patched pointed hat, it's star wand, and smooth stick broom. But it was enough to thrill Harry who ran around, his new cape tripping him up every two steps as Sirius and Remus exchanged a laugh. 

He loved the car Sirius and Remus had bought him and began terrorising the guests as he ran them over, beeping the horn that was far too loud for a toy and waving his wand at them while shouting "Bam!" or "Whoosh!" Sirius was going to teach Harry the names of some real spells for him to shout at people, rules be damned. Remus had also rewritten the Tales of Beedle the Bard on paper that he'd styled into a small book. He'd folded the paper neatly and rewritten what he could remember of the stories on the pages, adding some illustrations in the corners or bottom of each page. Harry was too young to appreciate the delicate gift but Sirius loved it and examined each drawing and the swirls of Remus' writing with care.

At five when the short day began to darken, the guests began to drift away. Many of them were kind enough to help them tidy while Harry tired himself out with the remaining children and his new glistening toys. The thought of tidying up without magic had terrified Sirius but he quickly learned the joy of disposable party wear as he quickly tipped everything straight into the bin. Muggle's weren't complete idiots, he was beginning to realise. By the time everyone had left and it was all tidy, Harry was passed out on the grass, his arm wrapped around a stuffed cat toy he'd been given. 

"You carry him upstairs," Sirius whispered, bundling up a pile of presents. "You're more gentle, I always wake him when I try to lift him." 

Remus nodded and delicately wrapped the sleeping Harry in his arms. Sirius thought it immensely unfair how peaceful and sweet Harry looked when sleeping considering the absolute rascal he was when awake. It was even more unfair when he was curled against Remus, wrapping his fingers around his collar and ducking his head under his chin. Remus looked as tired as Harry as he slumped up the stairs but for once, it was a good kind of tired. It was like he'd earned his sleepiness through an eventful and happy day. 

When they returned to their flat and the reality of their small and dull existence set back in again, Sirius didn't feel sad. He watch Remus rest on the sofa, Harry still in his arms due to his reluctance to let go of the tranquil toddler so Sirius joined them, allowing himself to drift asleep quietly. He wanted more of this, just the three of them having a good day where no one was too sad or too tired. He knew that he'd wake up tomorrow, worried about how they were going to pay rent and all their bills, how they were going to get on, how the hell they were actually supposed to be Harry's guardians for his whole youth and childhood. But in that moment, it didn't matter. All three of them fell asleep with ease for the first time in almost a year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was honestly just a load of cute filler fluff cause I couldn't let Harry's first birthday with Sirius and Remus be missed in the story. The next chapters going to have more plot I think, only time shall tell...


	9. The Preservation of their Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things take a turn for the worse, Sirius goes behind Remus' back for help.

“Remus, love. You need to get up.”

“No.” Remus rolled over to face the wall and moaned into his pillow.

“Your alarm went off fifteen minutes ago, you need to get ready for work, Moony.”

A long groan omitted from Remus as he pushed himself off the edge of the bed and clambered to his feet. This sort of behaviour was turning into a daily routine. Remus had never enjoyed his job, it had always exhausted him. Now it was September and he had worked at the hotel for seven months. He took barely any joy in anything. Every second he was off work was just a countdown until he had to return. With a full moon that weekend, every negative emotion of Remus’ was only heightened.

“I’ve got to ask for the weekend off today. What’s my excuse for it?” He muttered as he rubbed his eyes. 

‘Uhm, say Harry’s ill.”

“I said that last month.”

“Say I’m ill.”

“I said that the month before.”

“Say you’re ill, then.”

Remus shook his head as he located his stuffy, ill-fitting uniform.

“I’ll think of something, I guess. I just don’t know how many more of my lame excuses for missing work they’re going to take.”

“You don’t need to worry about that, it won’t be long until you find yourself a good job.”

“Finding a good job means experience and qualifications which I don’t have. I’ve also got to figure out what the fuck I actually want to do before getting a ‘good job’. And who’s to say that a job that’s enjoyable is going to make any money?”

“Remus, please. You need to stop getting so wound up about this, we’re doing alright. Yes, we need a bigger place and some extra income would be useful but we’re alive, we have a roof over our heads and food. Stop worrying.”

Remus sighed as he stumbled out of the room and off to the hotel for another eight hour shift. Sirius didn’t bother trying to get him to eat something before he left, he knew he was fighting a losing battle. He just watched Remus go, fearing the effects one more night at that hotel would have of him.

* * *

 

Sirius came home from work at half five to find the flat in a darkness unusual for the early hour in September. Harry was wailing quietly somewhere in the other room. He stumbled through the dark, drawn to the window where the slumped silhouette of Remus could be seen.

“What’s wrong, love?” Sirius whispered as he folded his limbs up to sit next to Remus on the windowsill. Drops of tears decorated his cheeks and more of them pooled in his eyes. He scrunched up his face before burying it into his shoulder as a deep, sad cry burst from his mouth.

“Remus, please. Tell me what’s wrong.” Sirius wrapped himself around him, pulling his head onto his chest.

“I thought I’d get away with it. The woman I work with, she doesn't usually mind swapping shifts with me,” he cried.

“I don’t understand, what did you do?”

“I got fired.”

Sirius didn’t say anything, there was nothing to say. He just let Remus wetten his clothes with tears and rubbed circles into his back.

“They were angry with me taking so much time off. Oh god, we’re fucked. We’re so fucked. We’re not going to be able to afford rent, or food, or our bills. We’re going to lose everything cause I can’t hold a job.”

“No, no. Just breath, okay? It’s alright, we’ll be fine,” Sirius whispered, wishing that he believed his own words.  

 “I used to always worry about how I would find work. All my studying in school, all that effort and I still knew I’d never find a steady job. It was supposed to be different now. Being a werewolf wasn't supposed to effect my employability. Now I get fired for taking the full moon off.”

Sirius recalled a time in their sixth year when Remus had gotten so worked up about this that he had considered dropping out of Hogwarts until they had brought him to his senses. It shouldn’t have been an issue anymore, muggles didn’t exactly have ‘human only’ policies when hiring staff.

“Not every job is going to be this shitty, not every boss you have is going to be so unreasonable. Everything seems crap at the moment and maybe it is but we’re still new to it all. We’ll work it out.”

“Work what out? What is there to even work out? I get another shit job, maybe I keep it for a little longer. I’m still going to hate it, it’s still going to take me away from you and Harry.”

“Who’s to say you won’t get a job you love?”

“I’ve never even thought about a career before, I never wanted to get my hopes up when I knew I wouldn’t be successful. I didn't even think I’d make it through the war, now I’ve got to think about the future. I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t need to do anything right now other than calm down and go to sleep.”

Remus rubbed at his eyes and stared blankly towards the floor.

“I can do that, I suppose.”

He pushed Sirius off of him, stumbled to his feet and to the bedroom where Harry was still moaning but not in his usual tired or attention seeking way. Harry sounded like he knew something was wrong and wanted to do something to help but had no tools at his command other than tears.

Remus collapsed into the bed, oblivious to Harry’s cries so Sirius picked him up instead and took him into the livingroom. Harry continued his quiet complains while Sirius thought. They needed money and he needed a plan to get it. Fast. He thought of the incredibly limited options available to them and rejected them one after the other.

He wondered not for the first time if there would be a way to access Harry’s inheritance. He and Remus had discussed it before, thought there might be some way to get it through Dumbledore. But there was no way to know what James’ and Lily’s wills would say. Obviously, all their money and possessions would go to Harry and would have to be watched over by his guardian until he came of age. Given the circumstances, it wasn’t quite as simple as that.

How they were to make enough money to keep alive without help was unknown to him. There was someone he could possibly ask but Remus would hate it and it would mean contacting a wizard. Still, at this point it could be that or homelessness.

All the musings that came to him in the following minutes came back to the same thing which he expressed to the boy in his arms.

“We need to help him, Harry.”

Harry looked at him with an odd mixture of expressions, somewhere between Remus’ frown of reason and Sirius’ smirk of mischief. Overall, he definitely seemed to agree with Sirius that something had to be done for Remus, for all their sakes.

* * *

Sirius had wondered how he was ever supposed to live in the muggle world but he had to admit, muggles had some rather useful inventions. His current favourite was the yellow pages. He’d been unsure if the individual he was looking for would be found on the list of names, but a quick search confirmed the location of the man Sirius seeked.

That was the easy part, the real challenge was still to come. He had to get time off work, then he had to come up with some believable excuse for disappearing for a couple of days and convince Remus that his reason was legit. There was also the issue of transport. Without the ability to apparate, it would take time and money to reach his destination.

In the end, he told Remus that his boss wanted Sirius to go to Glasgow with him for the weekend for some trade.

“We need new business, got to buy some new parts as well.” He told Remus.

“Okay, but why does he need you to go with him?”

“He wants me to learn about bartering and stuff. He says a key part of being a mechanic is knowing what things are worth and knowing how to get them for less than that. It’s good experience, and he’s paying me extra for working on the weekend. He’s paying for my hotel room, my food, everything.”

There was a look that told him Remus wasn’t entirely convinced of this but he was too tired from his grief to question it further.

Sirius wished that his travel expenses were really being paid for but instead he had to take money they didn’t really have out of their small savings. If his plan worked, he’d be able to pay it back easily. He booked a bus ticket, it was the cheapest mode of muggle transport, if not the fastest.

Harry complained when he left, still giving him the same shaming look from earlier. How the two year old was able to see through him was incredible and bloody annoying. He kissed Remus goodbye and hoped the responsibility of Harry would be enough to keep him going for the weekend.

The bus journey offered Sirius the chance to realise how beautiful Scotland was. He watched as the capital drifted away as buildings were replaced with fields and hills. Every now and then, he’d recognise a landmark from the journeys north to Hogwarts and brought an ache of remembrance to his throat.

He tried not to think of the past journeys of the Hogwarts Express with his friends surrounding him and instead focused on Harry’s future travels to Hogwarts. He thought of the friends Harry would make like Sirius had, of the stupid things he’d do while he was there and the times when letters would be sent home to Sirius and Remus informing them of the trouble he’d gotten into. Sirius would have to learn how to pretend to be disappointed in Harry when he got detention while also being immensely proud. 

He began to think of how different Harry’s school experience would be from his own. Harry would be raised with love, that much was a guarantee. But how would that love differ from that he would have gotten from his parents? How would growing up in the muggle world affect him? While they hadn’t talked about it much, they had agreed to keep Harry’s magical heritage a secret until he began to show signs of it. They were going to tell him that his parents had died in a house robbery gone wrong. How would Harry react when he found out they had been lying to him all his life?

Worst of all, what if the Black genes rubbed off of Harry and he was sorted into Slytherin? He couldn’t bare the thought.

After nearly four hours, Sirius arrived in his destination of Inverness. Now he had to try and navigate his way out of the city centre to the house he had last visited five years ago. It took over half an hour of aimless searching until Sirius found himself on the most pleasant street he had ever encountered and he knew he was in the right place.

Growing up in the centre of grotty, loud London had only strengthened a love for the country in Sirius. The reason behind most of his first year detentions had been his wild desire to explore a world outside that had never been available to him instead of sitting in Charms.

It was what he had loved about the Potter’s home as well, the chance to roll down hills then wash the grass off in a stream. The tranquillity of this small street just outside the centre of Inverness was something different. You wouldn’t crash into rivers or run across the hills here. You would rest.

In any other location, Sirius would have thought that a most dull task. But memories of seasons long gone with Remus and the heather coated hills made it beyond desirable.

It was nostalgia that hit Sirius when he saw the house. Like all things in his life, it had changed. Although this was a primarily muggle area, the effects of a wizarding war were slight yet visible. Chipped paint, empty flower pots, weeds filled paths and showed that something had happened to the inhabitant if not the structure itself.

The inhabitant in question had certainly gone through a lot. Two years prior, he had lived there with his wife and son. Now, he had neither of them. It was only then that Sirius really thought about the man and how he would react to Sirius, even if he was bringing good news (and the request for a large favour).

The door opened at the same moment that Sirius put his hand on the rusting gate. A figure altered but still recognisable to him stood there, staring down at him.

“What do you want, son? No one comes here, you must have the wrong house,” He spoke with none of the kindness Sirius knew him for, but not with cruelty either. His voice was nothing but sad.

“Mr Lupin?” Sirius said his name like a question despite his certainty that he had the man he was looking for. “It’s me, Sirius Black.”

Recognition spread across his face, followed by more sadness.

“Uh, could I come in? I want to talk to you.”

“Is it about my son?”

“Yes, I want to talk to you about Remus.”

* * *

While the exterior deteriorated, inside nothing had changed since they had moved there in 1972. There was still the same floral print sofa and armchairs, the same dark oak floors, the same eggshell and peach walls. Sirius noted the lack of the muggle appliances he had grown accustomed to and was mildly startled when he saw the pictures of the Lupin family moving on the walls. The single noticeable difference inside the house was the darkness which filled it. It was partly due to the windows that hadn’t been washed in possibly over two years, but also because of an overall feeling of gloom.

“How have you been keeping since the end of the war?” Lyall Lupin asked as he sat a tray of tea down on the coffee table. Lyall had been a nervous type of man for as long as Sirius had known him which was heightened by Sirius’ promise of information of his son, making Lyall’s hands shake as he poured the tea.

"I've been doing alright. Got myself a job, it's odd working though. I'm used to 48 hour look out shifts, not nine to five work."  
  
"Good for you, Sirius. What is it you're doing?"   
  
Sirius knew he couldn't share any information about about his life until he clearly addressed the issue at hand, so he did just that.   
  
"Mr Lupin, I'm sorry but I have to be very clear with you. I have a lot to tell you and I also have to ask for your help but before I can say anything, I need your solemn promise that our discussion will not leave this room."  
  
He spoke with too theatrical a flare, but Sirius was nothing if not a drama queen.  
  
"Sirius, my boy. What have you gotten yourself into?"  
  
"Nothing bad, I promise. We just need to...keep a low profile."  
  
"Anything you confide in me will not be shared. Not that I would have anyone you tell if I wanted to."  
  
"Thank you. First off, after James and Lily died, Remus fought with Peter and some muggles were killed. What have you heard about this?"  
  
He seemed confused by the question but answered nonetheless.  
  
"I heard that my son betrayed two of his best friends and killed another." A low wail came from him then. "All the stereotypes about werewolves, the talk of their ties to the dark, we never thought they were true. At the very least, we thought his upbringing and friends would remove that part of him, if it existed. And now...he was always so good. How could this happen?"  
  
"It didn't happen,” Sirius quickly assured him. “It wasn’t Remus who betrayed tem, it was Peter, he was the spy.”

There was a flash of relief across his face which was soon consumed by more misery.

“So Remus killed Peter for revenge?”

“He didn’t kill him at all, Peter killed the muggles and framed Remus. Then he turned into his animagus form and disappeared.”

“Peter is an animagus?”

“Uh, yeah.” Sirius didn’t think it was important to explain the whole _we all became animagi illegally to hang out with your son on full moons_ story at that particular time, so he left it at that.

“If Peter is the reason behind it all then where is Remus? Why hasn’t he tried to prove his innocence?”

“You know how corrupt the legal system is. He would have gotten life in Azkaban without a trial and that’s without even factoring in his treatment as a werewolf.”

Lyall’s eyes scurried about as he considered it all.

“Where is he now? He is with you?”

“Not right now, but yes. We’ve been living in the muggle world since November last year, trying to keep a low profile. We’ve had no way to tell what’s happening in the wizarding world, whether or not the search for Remus is ongoing.”

Lyall jumped to his feet, spilling his tea on his lap but failing to notice.

“I have to see him! Please, I won’t say a word to anyone, just take me to Remus.”

“I want to and I will but there’s more you need to know first.”

Lyall sat back down, resting unsteadily on the edge of the sofa.

“Right, how to summarise this…So when James and Lily died, Harry was supposed to go to his aunt and uncle despite me being his godfather. So I sort of kidnapped him.”

“You what?”

“Okay, that makes it sound worse than it was. I stunned Hagrid, grabbed Harry, and flew to Edinburgh. That doesn’t sound much better, does it? I did get Dumbledore’s permission, after some begging and snapping my wand.”

“You snapped your wand?”

“It was a condition in my getting Harry. Remus did the same thing. We haven’t used any form of magic in almost a year, I had to travel four hours by bus to get here. You can apparate to Edinburgh if you want but there can’t be any magic in our flat, we can’t risk ayone tracing us.”

“Of course, I’ll take the bus with you if you want."

Lyall rested back and the sadness began to lift from his face. He started softly repeating, “Remus is okay,” under his breath. A light smile drifted across his eyes, making him look more like his son.

“You said you wanted to ask me something, what is it?” He queried.

“This is going to sound rude, please know I would never ask if we weren’t desperate. It’s just that our Hogwarts qualifications don’t mean anything in the muggle world. I’ve got an aprentiship that doesn’t really pay enough for us to live off of and Remus just lost his job. We’ve got rent and bills to pay, not to mention the costs of raising a child.”

“You want money,” said Lyall, abruptly.

“Like I said, I wouldn’t ask if there was any other way but I have no way to access Harry’s inheritance and I’ve not got any of my own. You’re the only family any of us have left.”

“Don’t worry yourself, Sirius. My wife and I spent the past decade saving every sickle we made. We always knew Remus wouldn’t be able to get a steady job so we wanted to be able to support him. It’s not a fortune but it’s enough to get you by.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Just say you’ll take it. My only condition is that I want to see Remus regularly, and you and Harry too.”

“Absolutely, that’s the least we can do.”

“When can I come see him?"

“Whenever you want. Now, if you can.”

“I’ll withdraw the money from Gringotts first and have it exchanged for muggle money. I could come down in maybe two days?”

Sirius nodded and they both smiled as they got exactly what they wanted, the preservation of their family.

“Now, all we have to do is get Remus to agree.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is just going to be a continuation of this but I wanted to post something for you all now. :)


	10. Doing Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus reacts to the plotting of Sirius and Lyall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise surprise, I haven't totally forgotten that this fic exists. I'll spare you my promises of updating in a week, we all know it's a lie. That being said, I do have a few other half finished chapters so who knows, maybe I'll update more than once this year.

“Sirius Black, if you do not tell me what you’re up to right now I am going to find a way to fix the shards of my wand back together and torture it out of you.” 

“I don’t know why you keep going on about this. What makes you think I’m up to something? Maybe _ you’re _ up to something and you’re just going on at me to throw me off.”

Remus had suspected something was up since Sirius had returned from Inverness two days before and with Lyall due to arrive at any moment, he was desperate to keep it quiet for a while longer.

“Padfoot, if you were half as good at lying as you think you are, you’d be twice as good as you really are.”

“I didn’t understand a word of that but I can assure you that I am not up to anything, the fact that you won’t trust me is actually rather insulting.”

He’d debated when first returning whether or not it was wise to tell Remus what he had done right away but he was too much of a coward so he had left it. Remus would be happy to see his father, he knew that. But he’d be mad at Sirius telling him behind his back and he’d be utterly unwilling to accept any form of financial help, the stubborn git.

A glance at the clock saved Sirius from further interrogation, it was time for him to go to work.

"Sorry, love. Got to go,” he said quickly, kissing Remus goodbye and vanishing before any further questions could be asked.

At work, he was focused in body but distracted in mind. Each spare moment was filled with concern about when Lyall would get there and how Remus would react to his presence. But then he tried to focus on what would happen after Remus calmed down. They could get a bigger place, pay their bills with ease, buy Harry some toy he didn’t really need if they wanted to.

When he got home, he found the door unlocked which was unusual when Remus was alone with Harry and there was a wafting smell of food coming from the flat as well. He didn’t think much of it until he walked in and saw Remus leaning on the kitchen counter, sipping at his tea uneasily with his father standing next to him.

“Awh, shit,” Sirius sighed as the door swung shut behind him.

“You’re fucking right about  _ that _ , Sirius,” said Remus.

“Leave him be, Remus, he did nothing wrong. And please, don't swear," sighed Lyall. He rolled his eyes in a manner very similar to that of his son, but still with glee as he stood with family.

“That doesn’t mean I have to forgive him for going behind my back right now.”

“Sirius’ actions are admirable, you should be proud of raising a child with such a wonderful man, not ashamed of it.”   


“Oh, you are far too kind,” Sirius said with a flick of his hair. “He’s right Moony, you really ought to appreciate me more.”

“Shut it, you. You’re already on thin ice.”   
“Okay, but I’m guessing from the fact that you’re having tea with your dad and not throwing the toaster at me that you’re accepting the money?”

Remus sighed and blew out a puff of air.

“Yes. I don’t like using someone else's money but-”

“It’s not anyone else’s money,” Lyall snapped. “It’s only ever been yours, my will says as much. I have no idea where you got your stubbornness from, it’s quite ridiculous, Remus.” 

“I entirely agree.”

“Can the two of you quit ganging up on me? I’ve accepted all your plotting, haven’t I?” Remus protested. 

“I suppose you have. Can we forget about it now and have dinner?” Lyall said. “I thought it’s probably been awhile since you two had a proper meal so I brought some food with me.” 

The food Sirius had spelled earlier was a roast chicken cooking in the oven along with a tray of roasting vegetables. Sirius hadn't thought their tiny oven would have been able to hold so much food. 

"I cooked it at home, it just needs heated up," Lyall explained. "It should be ready now." 

He served out the food and they had dinner as a family for the first time with Lyall. Remus ate too fast ( _Wow, Moony. You're really_ wolfing _that down!_ Remus threw a chicken bone at him) and Harry tossed his peas on the floor but otherwise was willing to eat his veg when Lyall pretended his spoon was a broomstick. Sirius didn't eat much. He had never been a big eater, he liked to pick at food opposed to consuming large meals and his stomach had a habit of shrinking during times of great happiness or sorrow. 

He wasn't sure which he was feeling right now. Everything was happy, the flat looked lighter than it ever had, the grey walls grew a little brighter. But there was an air of melancholy also. So many good moments these days were tinged with the knowledge that they were only able to exist because James and Lily were dead. None of this should be happening, they should not be crowded around the table sharing a nice home cooked meal in a flat in Edinburgh. Harry should be in Godric's Hollow, even Sirius and Remus shouldn't be together. 

_But they were._

He had to pull himself out of it. This wasn't how things should be but they were like that anyway and that would be okay. They were doing fine. 

A few months ago, Sirius had looked around the flat, at Remus and Harry and he had thought, _this is all we have_. Now, he looked at the same scene with Lyall added in and thought, _this is enough_. Sure, a new place to live would still be nice, but they really had everything necessary to not just survive but be happy. That was more than Sirius had had for quite some time. 

* * *

Lyall left at eleven, walking away down the street to a quiet corner where he could apparate back home. Remus crushed himself into the sofa, his arms over his face.

"I hate this sofa," he sighed, "The first thing we're doing is getting a bigger sofa that didn't come form a skip. Also a bigger bed. May as well do something useful with the money you plotted to gain."

With his hands covering his face, Sirius couldn't be sure if he was joking or not. 

“You’re genuinely okay with this?” Sirius asked, once again, lifting Remus’ legs to sit next to him. 

“Yes, I don’t know why you expected me to be so mad.” He sat up, his face wasn't all knotted up in fury, thankfully. 

“I broke the rules. You use to get pissed off when I broke the rules at school, now I broke the  _ family _ rules.”

“Family isn’t about rules, Sirius.”  Sirius wasn’t sure that he understood that concept quite yet. Sixteen years of being fucked over by his parents hadn't entirely left him. “You weren’t exactly putting anyone in danger. And you know how many rules Hogwarts has?”

“Can’t say I know the exact number.”

“546. You know how many of those you broke over seven years? I kept count”   


“Like, 450?”

“287.”

“What! Seven years of mischief and anarchy and all I’ve got to show for it is 287 broken rules? I'm so ashamed.” 

“Yup. You want to know how many  _ I  _ broke?”

“Around 150?”

“298.”

“Are you seriously telling me that  _ you _ broke more school rules than me?”

“Yes, so what I’m saying is your idea of me being too clean cut and straight laced to break rules is insanely inaccurate.” 

“That’s not important, Moony. I don't care about your profound conclusion, I’ve just discovered that my nerd boyfriend is a bigger rebel than I am! My life's work has all been meaningless.”

He flailed across the sofa, crushing Remus who dug his elbows into Sirius' spine to make him move. 

“And you were worried about  _ me  _ over reacting…”

“What rules did you even break that I didn’t?”

“Mostly dumb ones, there are _a lot_ of dumb Hogwarts rules, like wearing a purple scarf or wearing another houses colours. I had that friend in Hufflepuff, she was called Sam. We accidentally swapped scarves sometimes. Oh, and I used to go into the Hufflepuff common room with her sometimes which was another broken rule.”

“That’s three,” Sirius counted. “What else?”

“Uh, I went into the Gryffidor girls room a few times with Lily. Oh, and there was the time I broke the Ravenclaw passageway. Well, I didn’t break it, I just made it so the riddle was impossibly hard for one guy.”

“Who?”

That prefect guy? Barry something?”

“I know the one you mean. Continue.”   


“Being in the library at 4 am is another one, so is going into the restricted section without a teacher's permission.” He paused as he tried to recall the rest. “Being a werewolf isn’t technically against school rules but transforming on school grounds is.”   


“But the shrieking shack is off grounds.” 

“Remember that time we were late in getting away from class and I transformed in the passageway to the shack? We were technically still on grounds.”

“Whatever. What else?”

“Uh... I think that’s it.”

“That’s only eight.”

“Oh, well in 5th year I brewed polyjuice potion in the school. That broke a lot of rules but there were only three that you also hadn’t broken at some point.”

“You brew polyjuice potion? Why?”

“Curiosity,” he shrugged.

“Did you use it?”

“Well, I had to find out if it worked, didn’t I?”

“Who did you turn into?”   


Remus was a little less forthcoming about that.

“Uh, you,” he eventually said. 

“Me? Why, did you want to check me out naked or something?”

“I saw you naked on a regular basis. If I wanted you to strip, all I had to do was ask.”   


“Then why?”

“It sounds stupid now.” He bowed his head and Sirius nudged him in the ribcage to tell him that he had no choice but to tell him now. “I thought you were cheating on me. I wanted to be you for a day to find out if I was right.”

“Why would you think I was cheating?” 

“I don’t know. You just seemed distant. Then your parents kick you out and I realised I was just being self-centred to think your distance was about me when it was to do with your crap family. 

“Awh, poor little Remus, being all concerned that his boyfriend was cheating on him. I can’t believe you morphed into me.” Sirius laughed. “If you were anyone else it would feel like a crazy invasion of privacy.”

“Sorry. I promise, if I ever doubt your faithfulness again I will just ask you about it instead of knocking you out and taking on your physical form.” 

“You  _ knocked me out _ ?”

“Well I couldn’t risk you walking into me, could I?” 

“Remus John Lupin, you completely mad rebel, you are not the man I thought you were.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“Maybe, I haven’t decided yet.”

“Alright, but there was a whole point to this rant,” Remus said. “We don’t have to follow the rules all the time, especially if following the rules is only going to end with us on the streets. Laying low and staying away from wizards is just logical, who gives a fuck if it’s what Dumbledore told us to do or not.”

“I just don’t want to lose Harry.”

“And we won’t. Do you see Dumbledore flying in to take him away? Besides, do you really think a man as wise as him would give a strict set of rules to  _ Sirius Black _ and expect him not to break a few of them? If he didn’t want you asking for help when you really need it he would have taken Harry back when I showed up.”   


“As always, you’re right. I  _ hate _ that you’re always right.” 

“It’s an exhausting job but someone’s got to do it.” 


End file.
